Who me?

Going offline.

2008-08-04T14:59:00.001+08:00

As of today this blog is going offline. Not going to be deleted, but won't be updated.

A new blog will be coming up soon, I promise you.

Invitations will be sent once it's up and running. :)

Prayer helps

2008-08-03T05:40:00.002+08:00

A little bit of prayer goes a long way. It's been a hard week for me, a lot of failures and short comings. But just last night, I sealed the whole week with a prayer to God. And what a wonderful release. Somehow my burdens just disappeared. My worries vanished. Prayer helps, and it is beneficial in both the long run and the short run. I'll run this race with fervency and certainty :)

My choice (Part 2)

2008-08-02T22:02:00.002+08:00

I've made my choice. It's hard. Something I pray that I can stick to. It ain't easy for me. but I feel that it'll be better for us. I missed out on FOP again this year. Something I don't intend to make a habit out of.

It's best for me to rest now. I don't feel like living at this moment. I need my slumber...

My choice

2008-08-02T06:43:00.001+08:00

I have to make a choice now... It's hard but it's still gotta be made.

Thank you, Emily, for your prayers and your SMSes. They really mean alot to me.

Deadly imagination

2008-08-01T21:14:00.003+08:00

"Officer, would you come closer?"

He turned to look at me, then he started walking towards me. Foolish man. Doesn't he know he shouldn't approach me?

"I need to tell you a secret. Only for your ears. Come closer, that I may whisper them into your ears."

He leans forward, towards the bed, so that his ear will be next to my mouth. Next thing he knows, I've slit his throat with the pen knife I had in my hand. Blood spurted out onto the bedsheets, floor and my face. Refreshing... I get off the hospital bed and start stripping him of his clothes and his effects. I always wanted to know what it's like to be an officer. Now I got my wish.

"Hi, Officer Jackson here. Yes, Mr. Thompson, could you come down to ward 67B of Princeton hospital.

"Sure! I'm on my way."

He's on his way, now all we gotta do is wait. Oh! And clean up this mess, but Marco and Jacko are taking care of it... ...

I'll leave the details of the following events out... It's amazing where my imagination takes me. To places I never dreamed of before. Showing me for what I am, subconciously. A sadist...

When will my eternal slumber come? Soon? I don't know... When it comes, I'll be free from this prison, called my mind. I'll be free from this warfare, where every battle is a losing one. Above all, there'll be peace.

I'm seating in a red velvet armchair, in front of a roaring fire, with a dog curled up at my feet... Then from behind me comes a dagger. Soon it's at my throat... We can guess the rest. I feel so peaceful at last...

Mirror Syndrome

2008-08-01T12:25:00.003+08:00

Another year, and I'm missing out on FOP. Again... I'm still not well enough to attend. hopefully I'll be well by Sunday...

Mirror Syndrome

Mirror syndrome is a rare disorder affecting pregnant women. Its name reflects the fact that symptoms in the mother reflect symptoms in the foetus, and it presents significant risk to both.

I think I'm going through mirror syndrome... But I'm not pregnant, neither am I female...
When one is weak, so is the other...
When one dies, so too does the other...

But...

When one is strong, so is the other...
When one lives, so too does the other...

Changing, changing, we're all changing...

2008-07-31T12:18:00.002+08:00

Another night of terror... plus a nose bleed this morning... What a way to start the day... I'm not well, physically. I really do hope that I'll be well by tonight or tomorrow... It's FOP. If I'm sick I won't be going. If I'm well, then I'll go.

I came by this question, "Is it more blessed to love or be loved?"

I seriously don't know... Reflecting on this question, I can't say that I know how to love... So I'll have to say, it's more blessed to be loved.

At least I know my friends care. Make that friend. I only got 1 sms from her. Oh well, I'm not as likable as some I guess...

Give, take or nothing at all?/Dreams

2008-07-30T10:35:00.004+08:00

In this season I would love to give to you... But you won't let me know what you want... You never do...

Should I then take from you? But seeing as you won't give me, I can't, won't and shan't take from you...

What then? Should I just sit back and do nothing? Neither taking nor giving...

Or should I continue? Either taking from you, or giving to you?

I dreamed of you... You scare me... You're not the person I knew. Are you changing? I suppose you are. You said so yourself. I'm on the verge of tears whenever I think about you... No more do I have sweet dreams about you... But nightmares... You lie to me always, I don't blame you... After what's happened before, I know it ain't easy to trust anyone. Including me. I don't feel like seeing you, yet I want to know you. I'm not as good a friend as you want me to be... And I don't think I'll ever be...

Perhaps I should take his advise and forget about you... ...

Nightmares...

2008-07-29T21:36:00.002+08:00

Um... ... It's not easy Father. I'm constantly falling... Why is this so?

I'm plagued by nightmares... I don't really dare to sleep or even close my eyes...

"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit." that's what I wrote on my board. Why aren't I remembering what I wrote?

The latest nightmare I had was just last night... Really scared me. I never dream any good dreams anymore... I either have nightmares or I don't dream at all...

I've prayed for so long for God to take it away but nothing yet...

It's been what? About 1 and a half months already since it started...

YCSS revival?

2008-07-25T18:49:00.002+08:00

It's Friday again. And guess what, no PM. Again... I can't do this on my own guys! True! Prayer is the key to revival! But a school campus church is never built on one person. Am I the only one feeling a burden for our school? It's only like 2 and a half months left. Please guys... We need to start what we've desired to start. Since school reopened only Zi Rui and I have gotten together to pray. And the presence came. What about you Lok? None of us can do this by ourselves. I need us to really make sacrifices. We can't see revival if we don't make sacrifices. Even if it means not being able to study more, or not being able to hang out with friends more or whatever. We need to make these necessary sacrifices.

The people in our school need to know Him! And we are His ambassadors! In this school where the youths are corrupted and being taught wrong moral values by their peers, we HAVE to do something. Once again, I'm just asking you guys, please feel the burden for our school. It really breaks my heart to have to write this... Cause I never thought that I'll be in this position. Especially to you guys...

I remember my vision for our school. What about you guys? Do you remember the vision given to you by Him. How the both of you saw the exact same thing, the AVT completely jam-packed with students. We can make it happen guys! But we really need to make sacrifices. For Zi Rui and I, we have only 2 and a half months left. For you Lok, you have about 14 months. But don't wait, for He says that the time is NOW! Truly the harvest is great but the labourers are few. Begin to think about what I have written. Are we ready to make sacrifices? If the answer is 'Yes', well that's very good. But if your answer is 'No'. I can then only pray that Him and I can bring about revival in our school...

Wandering? Look to Him!

2008-07-23T06:31:00.003+08:00

People go through times of wandering in life. Just look at the Israelites of Exodus. They wandered in the wilderness for 40 years! Not because they were lost or didn't know the way, but because they're heart wasn't right with God.

When you feel like wandering, not knowing what's happening, ask yourself: Is everything right with God? In this age we live in, it is so easy to forget about God. To forget about the One who remembers you. It is so easy to place God as number 2 in our life. It is really so easy to just give up on Him who has hope in us.

Stop wandering! Get back to your first love, who is Jesus Christ. In Him, there is direction. In Him. there is purpose. In this Christian walk, trials and tribulations are a definite. For it is through many trails and tribulations that we enter the kingdom of God.

Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, "We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God." -Acts 14:22

Strengthen yourself! Guard your heart! In Him, we have a reason to be living. To do the will of the Father, the Almighty God. He says in Isaiah 41:10

"...I will stregthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Trust in Him! Yes, again I say, trust in Him. There is much to gain by following Him on the long, narrow path to eternal life. Remember your covenant with Him, be faithful, always, to God. Look to Him for guidance, and He will guide you out of the wilderness. Out of your wanderings.

Be strong for Him. Have faith in Him. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. Never give up on your faith, for He who promised is faithful.

2008-07-19T22:14:00.002+08:00

While the rest are at Esplanade now (I think...), I'm at home blogging... Breaks my heart that I can't be there to enjoy the fellowship. Never mind... There'll be next time.

Time to make mayo egg sandwiches!

16/07/08

2008-07-16T20:13:00.002+08:00

Hmm... A long day. No matter, today was rather fruitful I would say. Managed to get work done in school, though I was super tired... It was so hard to keep my eyes open, and the weather did nothing to help at all... I thank God for wisdom and peace in this "Rowdy" school of mine. Really thank God for helping me keep my peace though. Today a teacher of mine broke down and cried. I don't know why but I'm worried. I'll check on her again... In the mean time God I just wanna lift her up into Your caring hands. I'm quite bored actually... None of my cell group members to fellowship with during the week... Maybe we should all go for dinner on Friday. Ah well....

Lord I just want to commit tomrorrow into Your hands. I fight with certainty.

Fairy-tale ending? I think so too!

2008-07-13T21:15:00.002+08:00

This blog entry is my 50th post. Another 50 more to hit my 100th. But I ain't here to talk about that. God is good, all the time! All the time God is good! How many of you can say amen to that?

A depressing story that spans 3 weeks or so. So lost and alone... The usual plot... On Friday. A change. It was the beggining of the end. The joy of the Lord came upon me, no holy laughter though... Oh well... I guess it's just not my time eh? But no matter. God has written the ending of this story of my life. Him and me are just gonna write the "The End" now.

Much loves to my heavenly Father, who never forsaked me when I needed Him the most. It was dumb of me to ever think of leaving His side. I'm more than a child of God. I'm a prince of God!

Night night Daddy!

09/07/08

2008-07-09T16:55:00.003+08:00

Hmm... It's halfway through the week... Another 2 days of schooling before I go back to church. I'm quite happy to say that I've almost like no remedial for the rest of the week due to the upcoming Art fest held at my school. Not looking forward to it though... Less people in the school tomorrow... Going to Ngee Ann poly again tomorrow...

In this, my hour of uncertainty, show me a way. Show me which path to take.

07/07/2008

2008-07-07T20:54:00.002+08:00

It's been what? About a week since I blogged? No matter...It's time to let go... Time to let go of my self condemnation. It's the one thing I never seem to be able to get over properly... Oh well. Attended Saturday service with pastor Mike Connell. Inspiring and captivating for some. I'm happy for them. Sunday. Cell Group meeting at Cynthia's place. A time of seeing God's miracles, signs and wonders. Many were delivered from their demons. Many felt the joy of the Lord. I'm happy and grateful that the Lord did it for them. But, why not I? I am actually totally discouraged... ...

I seem to be losing a very good friend of mine. I hope the feeling is not one sided. I pray that this is not so... It's funny, how many people consider themselves to be in my inner circle... Please... ... I don't think that I'll have many friends in my life... Maybe it's for the better. I leave it to God to decide. I just found out that deep within my subconscious mind. I'd rather die if I can't have God. The thoughts of death is rather tempting right now... Hmm... I hope it's just a phase and not an obsession.

The world is pretty bleak without God...

Alone?

2008-07-03T10:25:00.002+08:00

I'll trash everything out now... I'm not pleased with myself. Or society for the matter... I know that we've talked but it still weighs heavily in my heart... My computer is down, so I'm actually blogging during lessons... Do I bring joy or sorrow? Seems like not anyone wants to talk to me. Its' probably God's way of saying, "Son, I want you to turn to me. Not the world." I'm sorry that I've been negligent. I'm sorry that I could not be or do what you wanted me to. No more words... Action... It's hard, and I will not budge till You come and take my hand. It's just like the beggining... Alone again... No more words. I'll stop here for now...

On a happier note I want to thank You. I thank You for a mum that cares. I thank You for a dad that loves. I can't say much about my siblings, but thank God for them too... I've been receiving e-mails from people. Thank God for you guys too.

Much loves,
Ayron.

...But a fool rages and is self confident. I guess that'll be me...

2008-06-29T18:25:00.003+08:00

How do I go about saying it? It weighs heavily in my chest... Somehow 'sorry' just doesn't about cover it. How do I explain it? In my blind rage I've caused hurt to those around me. In my unrighteous fury I've brought about sorrow... I ask for your forgiveness... But am I worthy of it? I'm just another boy, in a sea of faces. I'm just another soul, in this place called earth. I'm scared of deliverance... It must be the devils in me. Or is it really me? I'm determined not to say what I have to say here. I'm going to tell it to you, face to face. But do I have the courage? Lord, You are my salvation. You are my Rock. Can You dwell in a tainted vessel though?

2008-06-28T13:42:00.001+08:00

In the end I've failed to see the hurt that I've caused. Because of my lack of control I've driven people away. My dear God stay with me...

I've failed my test.

2008-06-27T17:33:00.002+08:00

Joel's warning of what was to come came to pass. An attack by the devil. Allowed by God. I was on the verge of going past the point of no return. But the holy, righteous Lord sent a perfect angel into my house today. We talked and I uncorked the bottle that was filling up with my troubles and thoughts. The demons have been supressed. But more than just this I got some people I want to say sorry to...

The People: It was immature of me to say what I said about all of you. I shouldn't have had let one person's impression of themselves be a standard for the rest. I wish I could take back my words but I can't. I'm sorry.

Kelvin: I'm sorry that I've not been able to perfrm to the best of my ability. I'm sorry to have let you down. I know though that you love and care for me. Forgive me for thinking of you in a negative light.

Father: I'm sorry that I've failed Your test, I'm sorry that I even thought of leaving Your house. I shouldn't have thought that way but I did. I'm so sorry. I thank You for the love that You have gave. For my sins You went up on the cross. I know that You truly care and love me.

rantings of a mad man?

2008-06-27T15:45:00.002+08:00

TALK TO ME! SHOW ME THE LOVE! YOU AIN"T GONNA?! BE THAT WAY!

hypocritical people. my anger for mankind just grows... murderous intents... hateful thoughts. i'm doing it out of duty, not pleasure. tomorrow. the day where i'll go back to my ex-home. i'll dwell but if there ain't anything then screw it. paranoid me? perhaps i've gone over the edge. perhaps not. if i did i wouldn't be here would i? bursting... bursting... bursting... not yet, but soon... BURST! are these my feeling? are these my thoughts? people around me change for the better. i guess it's because i'm changing for the worser. breaking down in tears, is that me? hating myself, is that me? seems not. but rather it's the new me. i despise the new me. it sucks big time. deliverance? doubt it. i don't think i may even go. when one leaves SEVEN will return. 7 days to go? i may be gone by then. consumed by the very thing i tried to suppress. save me if you can. not if it's...

(27/06/08 part 2)

2008-06-27T15:15:00.002+08:00

My latest blog entry was not too long ago.

Do people care? Only when they wanna get on your good side.
Do people love? Only when they wanna deceive.
Do people cherish? Only when it's gone.
Do people encourage. Only when they wanna seem good
Does God hear? Apparently not.

Can Jesus love me?
Christisans: Yes! He will take anyone.
Me: Never.

Should I hate him? I don't want to yet I am.
All is a lie.
"I care for you!" Yeah right...
"I love you!" You're trying to deceive me.
"You're my cherished friend!" Only when I'm gone.
"You can do it!" You trying to look good in my eyes?
"God hears you from heaven!" Liar...

I ran home today as I was suppose to reach home by 3 for a gathering. Somehow I knew only when I got home.
I gave up my 'O' level coursework for something that wasn't even going to take place. Boy am I dumb...
On the way home I heard and saw a truck tire burst.

I'm about to burst.

A drama, with the characters put into position. Props all ready. Light and sound ready. Effects ready. Let the drama unfurl.

I blame myself for letting this drama start. It's so Shakespeareian. A sad story. A murder. A story of the world. My world.

The world I have known is now lost in shadows. No more stars light up the night sky. No more sun beating down on the day. No more sound of music. No more taste of love. No more touches from heaven. All that is left is me. Standing in a voidless world. Consuming myself in this lowly pit that I have created and fallen into.

The world is full of guilty people. Full of people who have sinned and are still sinning. People try to cover up their guilt for what they have done with words.

Moral Support? Screw those 2 words.

Man are greedy creatures. Working for a cash incentive. Never working out of pure love or friendship. This world should just consume itself in the flames of our greed, anger, lust, jealousy, pride, sin, lies, deceitfulness, dishonesty, unholiness, heresy and false brotherhood.

I'm just slipping through Your fingers. Either You're not grabbing me hard enough or I'm not holding on tight enough.

If I die tonight. Let me burn.

(27/06/08)

2008-06-27T11:40:00.003+08:00

The world. Full of people who care.

Lies! All of it, lies!

There is never permanant friends. Only permenant interest.
-Mr Paul Lim. Humanities teacher.

People saw me for what I have, not who I am. (past)
People see me for who I am, not what I have. (That's what I thought.)
People see me for what I have, not who I am. (present)

Am I only good to be milked till I'm dry. Then to be discarded?
Am I only good for what I can provide?
At least I know how God feels when people look for the blessing instead of the blesser.

I am like sheep to the slaughter. But this little sheep sees. This little sheep knows. This little sheep is gonna run. As far as I can go. Time and energy and money wasted. People have played with my goodwill. No more. After today I say "No More!"
Never again shall I waste my effort, never again shall I toil for others. Never again will this world deceive me. The world is full of people who will lie, steal, kill and destroy. They'll do anything to get what they want. People. You've succeded in deceiving me once, twice. But this is as far as you shall go!

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you.
Fool me thrice, shame on me.

If there was no one on earth. It would have prospered. It would have been a world of peace, without lies, hatred, racism and the like. I guess God never expected His children to be like that. Woe to the man who veils his evil ways with love. Woe to the man who tries to deceive me.

Believe me, it's never my wish to turn this way. But I have. Do not ever, deceive me with your honeyed words. For this little sheep has seen through it. And he will run.

I wonder if I should have started this journey at all. Was it worth it. Sure there are ups. But tis always for a moment. The journeys through the valleys are longer, darker and scarier with each passing moment. The reward? I've yet to receive it. I may never. It's heresy to speak like that, but God, this is what I see.

(26/06/08)

2008-06-26T15:30:00.002+08:00

I scare myself... Yes myself... Hate, anger, jealousy, bitterness, insanity, sorrow, unholiness, death... It's all coming back.

"Drop dead!" one says.
"Jump off!" says the other.
"Cut off ties with Him!" says the third.
"Cut off ties with Him, jump off and drop dead." says the fourth.

I scare myself... Save me if You can. But not if it's futile.

2008-06-25T19:18:00.005+08:00

I don't really know what to blog about. It's not really safe to show my really, really deep thoughts on a blog for all to see... (Plus it might indirectly offend some people.)

It's quite pointless to say that I'm stressed on a blog. (What's the use? As if by blogging that I'm stressed will take it away.)

It's quite boring to talk about my school day (Trust me, it's really boring.)

All I know is that I'm not feeling too well right now... God save my soul.

Can I really serve God in His kingdom, advancing His kingdom in my school, or serve in the cell group in my current state? I find it hard to will myself to do it. I wouldn't be honoring God with my service, I'd be dishonoring Him... I'm glad that some people can still serve though. Not me, It's one of those times where I feel down, defeated and without a purpose. Damn, I need to control my emotions... A great servant, terrible master. Yet it seems so easy to submit to it instead of God. God forgive me, God forbid me to ever become a slave of my emotions, and yet I seem to be becoming more and more like a slave to it. I can't seriously believe that I've been categorized. I always thought that I was unique, but I guess I'm just being sorted out into groups now. If I could be an animal, I'd really wanna be a snail right now. If I could have one wish, I'd wish everyone away except God and me. Alas that is not to be so. I'm stuck here listening to the passing of life, to the crackling, dying embers of a campfire. God, bring me up with Your righteous right hand. It sucks being down here. My Almighty God, deliver me.

I just wanna go to church now in the middle of a school week. dwell there and just stick my butt on the floor, until God comes and tells me what should I do now.

MAN of God

2008-06-17T17:45:00.003+08:00

I've just finished reading the 3rd chapter of the book "Courage" by Edwin Louis Cole, and it has already been a great blessing to me. There's so many questions and doubs answered and clarified. But more than that it is teaching me how to be a MAN of God. Today is my day one of the beggining of my transformation. Thank you Kel for the gift, Edwin Louis Cole is someone I can look up to. Though he may not be here, God bless his soul, he will remain an inspiration for many youths who desire to be a MAN of God. Truly so much can be learnt from this book. Thank God for it.

(14/06/2008)

2008-06-14T21:43:00.002+08:00

Not much that I wanna say today. But I'll blog still, so that when school reopens I can excuse myself from blogging. Tomorrow, service, on a sunday... feels a little weird. Only Joel, Joey, Kevin, Chin Ming and I will be there... Afterwhich I intend to fly back home... Something's not quite right, I don't know what, but something's definitely wrong... Anywho, I'll be cooking for the cell group on Monday. Dinner is set for 7 pm, but I'm gonna cook for my mum first. (She can't wait...)

Menu for the day
1) Potato Salad (Still contemplating though...)
2) Lasagna
3) Banana Bread (New variation)

Sunday... Anyone wanna stay over tomorrow night?

Dryness...

2008-06-12T23:03:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling rather dry lately, even though we're in the midst of our 21 days of prayer... Not much can be said though, except that I really despise the fact that I couldn't have gone for the camp. I've read and heard from people about the experiences they've had. What I would give to have that experience... Nevertheless, God has been blessing me materially, but I desire more than just material blessings. I desire a touch from Him. I long to be in His presence daily. No doubt God desires that as well, but... ...

In any case I'm thinking of cooking for the cell group anytime next week, except Thursday. Lord, for what I'm about to receive, I am truly grateful. As the deer pants for water, so too does my soul thirst for You.

A psalm

2008-06-05T07:53:00.003+08:00

Dear Jesus, I give you my heart.
I'll never ever want to be apart.
You are greatly to be praised, for wondrous are Your works.
One doesn't have to go down to hell to experience it.
One day on earth without You, my most high King, is hell.
I shall magnify Your name in all corners of the earth, Singing to You a song of praise.
I shall, in the words of king David, dance and be undignified.
For I do not dance for man, but for my King in heaven.
Lord, I give You my all.
Take all of me.
I offer myself a living sacrifice on Your altar.
Come and consume me with Your holy fire.
Oh, I praise and bless Your holy name.
That's right, I choose to bless Your holy, glorious name.
For even in the darkest valley of death and evil, You have not forsaken.
Even in the lowest depths, You have not failed.
Yes Lord, I will praise You in the most desolate place.
Yes Lord, I will offer You my worship.
Oh Lord, come and consume me.
I will sing to You a new song daily.
I will enthrone You with my praise.
For You are greatly to be praised.

My day

2008-05-25T22:08:00.004+08:00

I've done quite a few things today, let's talk about it in chronological order. Cell group meeting. Verily I say unto thee, thy meeting wast beyond excellence. (Sorry bout the KJV english.) Kelvin was preaching about why God chose, blessed and used Abraham instead of Lot.

1) God used Abraham because of his devotion.
2) God used Abraham because of his attitude.
3) God used Abraham because of his love for people.

It was a very short message, afterwhich Kelvin prayed for those who want to wholly follow God. I was prayed for and was very encouraged. Thank God for that. Ooh ooh! Kelvin also quoted John 4:23-24. I'll share about what I learnt from these 2 verses.

Worshipping Him in spirit and in truth

"... But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
-John 4:23-24

I caught this during cell group. What does it mean to worship the Father in spirit and truth?
In the physical realm it would mean to worship Him with the spirit and with the understanding, just like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 14:15

...I will sing with the spirit, and I will also sing with the understanding.

In the spiritual though, it means to worship Him spirit to spirit, eart to heart. And with the truth of worship, which is not to sing because it's a nice song or because you like it, or because it goes well with your vocals. But rather it is to worship Him because You love Him, and you acknowledge God for who He is.

Just a little sharing...

Next, after cell group I had to 'fly' to Bukit Batok, cause that's where we celebrated my mum's birthday. We did just that by watching Indiana Jones: The kingdom of the crystal skull at West Mall. Then we drove over to Superbowl at Taman Jurong to eat Japanese. Things were relatively ok... I wish someone went through what I'm going through though. Not that I'm cursing them. In fact I wish it wouldn't happen... Hmm... Self contradiction! No marks for 'O' level humanities essay! (Note to self: Be more careful...)

Hmm... Wanna go out for lunch with 'someone' soon. (Don't worry, it ain't a girl. And because I made this statment doesn't mean I'm homo. So relax...) Of course that's only possible when I get myself financially stable. I really wouldn't be suprised if Lok has more cash than me now :'(

Campus church. I'm really excited!

2008-05-23T18:32:00.002+08:00

Had an extraordinary meeting with Pastor Zhuang last night! It wasn't a session where he preached a 'Rah rah' message, but rather it was a session where all who attended were prepared and equipped to be a CAMPUS REVIVALIST!!! I got a vision whilst there. I'll share during cell group meeting this Sunday. Pastor even asked us to practice 'street evangelism' with people whom we've never met before. I think I did quite well... Well God knows I did my best even though it was just practice. I'm very excited. HAHA!!! I got home late though and thought mum and dad were gonna chew off my hide, but God turned what the devil meant for evil for good. I got home late but my mum and dad were 'okay' with it. We even spent quality time talking to each other, it was about 20 mins conversation but I felt that it was great quality time spent with them. I can't wait for tomorrow's service. Somehow I know that it;s gonna be a word in due season for many of us. I just feel it in my guts!

You are a CAMPUS REVIVALIST!

Blogging again.

2008-05-22T13:26:00.002+08:00

Haven't blogged in the longest time. Hmm... where to start? Seriously I don't know, probably because I've forgotten the events for the past few weeks (Fine, it was month and a few weeks. Happy?!) Anyways, I'm currently just waiting for time to fly, I'll be going out to meet with Pastor to equip myself for bringing in the harvest. Holy Spirit, I commit the meeting into Your hands. Come and bless every single listener in that place, and I pray that we'll not just be listeners of the Word of God, but be doers of it as well. Side track abit yeah, I'll not be going for the church camp this June... Because school is gonna send me for a 2 day course at NP. It's gonna give me a taste of poly life and at the same time help me in making a choice for my post secondary education. 'O' levels are quite taxing, but I trust in my God. I'll blog more when I get home, time now is 1:31pm. I gotta get ready to get down to Riverwalk now. Ciao, dahlings.

Worship or prayer?

2008-04-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

A worshipper may not pray.

BUT

A person who prays, worships.

Think about it...

Sweet, Sexy, Spicy Sixteen (SSSS)

2008-04-13T23:07:00.003+08:00

Happy Sweet 16th to ME!!!

I am now officialy 16, if I post this blog at midnight... But anyways, alot of things have been happening recently. (I'll talk about it in the later part of this entry or in another entry if I feel like it.)

Now, to the main segment my birthday party! This year is somehow unbelievable. It's kinda different and really so much better than all my past birthdays added together. So my family, relatives, friends, spiritual family and, of course, myself got together to sing "Happy birthday!" and to cut the cake first, then we went on to eat the food that was prepared (Thanks Aunty Emely!) and went on to fellowship. Anyways I was dragged out by the cell group so that they could celebrate for me, CHRISTIAN STYLE, so a thank you speech, a look at the present and then a prayer. BUT, they didn't close the prayer with 'Amen', they closed the prayer by getting me Sprite'd and throwing me into the pool. Seems like doing all these good and nasty suprises seem to be a tradition for the cell group already, HAHA! I really enjoyed the Sprite bath and being thrown into the pool, seriously! Of course I was drenched and I went to eat some cake. But... Before I could eat my cake, Li Zhen creamed me with the cake icing... Then from that moment onwards, Yunru and Shyang Zhi wanted to cream me even more... Pictures are with Lokies, you can get it from him. But I definitely want my own private ones! After all the creaming was done the cell group did a weird dance, but thanks for the performance guys! And they sang me a rock and very out of synch version of "Happy birthday!" But all in all, this year has been my best birthday yet. Seems like the guy who came up with the term 'Sweet Sixteen' really knew what he was talking about.

Well now what everybody wants to know... "What presents did Ayron receive?" Well, let's see... I got a very cute 'fat' Darth Vader from my muma (It's very cute, it's really very cute. p.s: Think Mrs Goh.) a leather wallet from my cousin Ryan, (Everyone wanted to smell it to make sure it's genuine leather...) a mini clothes hanger with a mini shirt, with a mini photo of mini bro, and mini me from my Bao Bei, (Mini bro and mini me refers to the baby version of us.) a black tie with white musical notes on it from my Ah yi mummy, (looks real chic) a red packet of $20 from my Grandma, (financial blessings! Hallelujah!) a $40 shopping voucher for use at Takashimaya from my Aunty Diane. (WHOO!!! They got me shopping voucher cuz they saw many cute things but didn't know which one to get, so they ask me go down and buy myself.)

I didn't forget what my fellow sheeps and darling shepherd got for me

1) A nice wooden box (it's the packaging. XD)
2) 2 Guitar picks from Yunru (Thank you so much for it!)
3) A online game CD entitled "Cabal" from Zhi Zhi (Thanks bro!)
4) A 'Kinderbueno' choc bar, also from Zhi Zhi.
5) A birthday card from the cell group. (Seems to be missing alot of peoples notes. Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand! Whoops...)
6) A very nice gift from Li Ming (Unfortunately, I danced and it broke... I've turned my dancing into mourning!)
7) A '18 karat' diamond studded letter 'A' chain. (It's very nice guys. Thank you so much for it!)

I also definitely didn't forget what my Abba Father gave to me. Thank You so much for giving me that vision.

So in closing, I wanna thank some people... (Okay, I'm lying, I wanna thank a whole buncha peeps.)

1)Thanks to the Sim family for getting me my present. (HEHE) But more importantly for being my family.
2)Thanks to all my relatives who came for my birthday party. I know that you guys always say that without me the party would be dull. Now I just wanna say that without YOU guys the party would be really dull.
3)Thanks definitely goes to the Cell Group members who came to celebrate my birthday with me. You guys mean so much to me, and thats the way it'll remain. Much love!
4)Thanks to all my school friends who came! You made my day by just being there!
5)Thanks to all the people who dropped me SMSes and well wishes. I treasure your SMSes. Thanks so much for remebering my birthday! (Extra special thanks to Johan and Carol!)
6)Thanks to my Abba Father, who made this day possible by bringing me into this world. But more than that, I thank Him for His perfect love. You're my angel in disguise.

Much love to everyone! And I posted this at 12:00am! Yes! Officialy 16, can watch NC16 movies according to Yunru. Haha! Happy birthday to me!

Angel in disguise

2008-04-12T19:47:00.003+08:00

Wake me up, shake me up,
Break me up and put me back together.
Take my crown, let me drown,
Bring me round then stay with me forever.
I've never known love like this,
Maybe You're an angel in disguise.

Call my name,
Somebody take me away.
Rescue me, completely.
No more shame,
Somebody take it away.
Rescue me.

Wake me up, take me up,
Feel the heat, it's closer now than ever.
Secrets hide in the sand,
Take these bones and put me back together.
Oh, oh You're killing me with just one kiss.
Maybe I'm an angel in Your eyes.

You're my angel in disguise.
Loving You always,
-Ayron

Blessed child of God (Moi!)

2008-03-28T12:47:00.003+08:00

Dumdedum... I'm blogging from my school computer lab and I'm supposed to be doing my F&N coursework... Well I just wanna talk a little while, I know my blog hasn't been as lively as before (for those of you who wanna say it's never been alive... well you're entitled to your own opinion) Anyways I just wanna spend some time talking to you peeps who read my blog. I know Easter has been so long ago but I just gotta say something! Easter has really blessed me alot. In fact this year's Easter seemed so special. I recall that the first time I went for the Easter drama it wasn't anything special. (cept for the fact that it's my spiritual birthday :P) But this year's Easter drama was really good both in our Jurong west church and at our Expo worship area. I wept tears whenever I saw Jesus being crucified. the lyrics for the song also made me realize that the love of God is so great, that He could send His only Son to die on the cross for me. Truly He is the lamb of God come to take away the sins of man. The drama was also a reminder for me, that if Jesus would come and serve, then why not I? I am more determined this year to serve with all my heart! Though I can't serve in ministry, I can certainly serve in cell group. C'mon mum! Get me the book "Guitar for Dummies"!!!

I also wanna thank God for pastor Kong's message. Truly it was a word in due season for me, the message on shame and unforgiveness really impacted me. There is no shame in Christ Jesus! There is power in the freedom of the cross! While Easter sunday was kind of a fiasca for me, I thank you Kelvin for encouraging me. Every little thing's gonna be alright... Every little thing's gonna be alright...

Also, during the Easter week we had a few friends come to join us. Firstly we got Danila and Daniel. They are Africans who are living in Singapore and they are joining our cell group. Next we got Johan and Joey, they are SOT students from Malaysia who will be attached to the cell group until the 24th of August this year. So sad... I'm gonna miss them when they leave. By the way, Joey has his own label in Malaysia. Cool ain't it? Lastly we got Yunru and Vivian. The both of them came for our Easter servince and received salvation! Praise the Lord! It really is a break through for the whole cell group. 6 new friends in a period of 2 weeks. If we are consistent in seeking out the lost, then we can hit 12 souls per month. That means we'll multiply in June. Oh what a great prophecy. Haha! Let what we ask for be given to us by our Father in heaven.

Blessings... Hmm... where to start? Well for starters, I am now the owner of my papa's iPhone. It's kinda cool and all with all those functions and the touch pad. But guess what. It's darn impractical! It's like full of functions that I don't even know what it's for. Also SMSing is so tough with the touch pad... It's kinda irritating. I'll keep the iPhone though, for my games and maps. Also I'm kinda pleased that my pledge for the Arise and build is almost complete. Just a bit more.

All in all, I wanna thank God for the wonderful Easter weekend and the wonderful people He has placed around me.

Keep on shining for Christ in your market place!

2008-03-16T19:10:00.002+08:00

It's so long since I blogged. Anyways I just got back from a 3 day cruise (Friday-Sunday), I didn't want to go... But went anyways cause I had to celebrate my cousins birthday. I missed Phil Pringle's service, feeling that perhaps I should have stood my ground and said that I don't wanna go... But this trip... Nevermind, share next time. Anyways this blog entry gonna be short casue of some 'things'... But what happened wasn't really a great ending to this week...

My desires

2008-03-01T09:51:00.002+08:00

We were created to worship the Lord, to have fellowship with Him. To love Him. So... My desire is to rise up as a worship leader in the cell group! Amen! I, for one, don't like to rush worship. It is when I worship that I feel Him. It is when He speaks to me. I also want to learn how to play the guitar, and my mum has agreed to send me for lessons! PTL! The reason I wanna learn how to play the guitar is, it sounds nicer. I can also keep on worshipping Him without stopping. Whereas if I were to worship using a CD or my mp3 I gotta keep on repeating the track if I wanna go on worshipping with music... It's darn irritating.

The past few weeks has made me realize how much I need my lovely Daddy, my W363. It was kinda scary for me the past few weeks. struggling with disturbing thoughts and fears. But through it all I have learnt that I gotta lean upon God. Just like Jacob leaned on God... Abba Father, this is my heart's cry. That I will lean on You all the days of my life. That I can stay in Your house forever, worshipping You forever more.

Thank You God for the wonderful prayer meeting we had yesterday. Truly, You are our Emmanuel, God with us. He touched me yesterday, assuring me, saying "I am still here for You. Do not despair, for I am your hope, your joy, your strength. I am Your loving Father in heaven. What I have said let no one take from you. For I who have said it is faithful."

You are my strength
Strength like no other
strength like no other
Riches to me

You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Riches to me

In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your name
You lift me up
You lift me up

Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Riches to me

Fruitful or no?

2008-02-27T17:44:00.002+08:00

It is now 5:44 pm, a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly. But I'm feeling gloomy... If I didn't hear what I heard would I feel any different? Perhaps... I'll never know unless I can relive that moment in time again. Already asked some friends to come for the F.I.R concert at church this Saturday. All gave the most hated reply, "Don't know leh...", "See first lor...". That didn't discourage me... I simply asked their friends. But as you know... Same reply... Already I've heard that Cheng Hui and Fen Mien will be coming. I shall rejoice in the knowledge that they are coming. But on my side... Zilch... Why? Did I not ask them enough? Did I not pray for them enough? Did I not fast enough? I don't know... But one thing I know is that it's not fruitful. If other trees in this orchard ,we call Jesus, can bear fruit why not I? Am I to be a barren tree unlike the others? While the Bible did say that Jesus said "Well done, my good and faithful servant." At the end of the day I want Him to tell me that because I did something. Perhaps I should be cut down. Perhaps I should perservere. It seems so easy to just put the ax to the roots now... But would it please God?

God's plan

2008-02-23T22:22:00.002+08:00

God has planned everything for me thus far. I know that because of what He showed me and has done for me. I will be believing that he will continue to plan my days... God has called me friend. What an honor and priviledge.

Light in the dark.

2008-02-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since I've blogged eh guys? Feels good to blog again. The past week, from Monday till today, has been hectic, scary and troubling. First let's talk about Monday. Sum it up in one word : Hectic. Why? Because after my physics remedial, which by the way ended at 4, I had to go for a debate sit in. For those who don't know, I've been chosen to represent the school in a debate competition. Praise God. Anyways, back to the debate sit in. My team was given a motion, and we had to debate with the other team. God! It was tough cause...

1) I have no experience with debating

2) We didn't have enough time to come up with enough points for our stand/rebuttal.

But I managed to see through the whole sit in. Tuesday was kinda lonely, I felt like I was the only one in class, even though I was surrounded by bumbling baboons... Then got news that 2 of my favourite peeps won't be at school on Wednesday. I felt kinda sad and angry, and when I heard that I felt even more lonely... Wednesday was our school's Chinese New Year Celebration. So we had a lion dance performance, puppet show, song singing session and of course each class set up their own stall to sell new year goodies. I had quite a time there, was fun hanging out with my other friends, though it was quite lonely. And to top it all off my classmates still hate me. But God was with me wherever I went. He has been true to His promise...

"...Do NOT be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver
you," says the Lord.

-Jeremiah 1:8

Lo and behold, my vice-chair, who actually, a few days back refused to work with me, refused to call me by name, even trying her very best not to look at me, addressed me by name amd looked at me. Even the regular 'bad boys' in class seemed a little more docile towards me that day. Truly God was with me that day. Of course my day didn't end there. My debate senior saw me during the carnival and told me to gather the members in my team so that he could brief us on the competition. After the briefing he surprised us by saying he was treatng us to lunch. Everyone was happy, but I was the only one who could make it. I guess that meant more for me! Haha! Then I went back home after lunch, got dressed and went over to my aunt's house for our reunion dinner. It was a wonderful time of fellowship with my cousins, uncles, aunties and my parents. Got 2 Ang Baos that day!

On Thursday I went visiting my relatives and collected Ang Baos. Ayron was a very satisfied boy that day... Anyways I managed to collec $454 that day. Truly it was blessing, after blessing, after blessing.

On Friday I managed to see most of my favourite peeps, praise God, even my most 'favourite-st' peep came. Anyways we managed to fellowship with my mum, watching a movie called XXX. Now don't think dirty! It's an action movie featuring Vin Diesel. Anyways Kelvin made this comment

"This movie is good, but when auntie make her comments it became better!"

respect leader's decision...

That day after Kelvin, Cynthia and Sara left, Lokies, Joel, Belle, Sap and I had a mini-cell group meeting. Was kinda funny...

But whatever goes up, must come down. And it applies for the spiritual realm as well. I was attacked by him and he brought back some old, painful, memories. From dinner onwards I was quite troubled and I felt quite down. Suddenly I felt so alone in the dark... The light within me had gone out... Won't go into all the details lest it sparks the painful memories again. But thank God for Lokies. Thank God that He placed someone like him in my life. Thanks to Lokies and God, I managed to find the light in me once again. I was free from bondage. Thank You God, thank You Jesus, thank You Holy Spirit. Thank You Lokies!

This song that Lokies gave me helped a lot too...

Strong Enough
Stacie Orrico

As I rest against this cold hard wall will You pass me by?
Will You criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enought?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please could I have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I've finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again

Psalm 91:5-7

You shall not be afraid of the
terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by
day,
Nor fo the pestilence that walks
in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays
waste at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right
hand;
But it shall not come near you.

Lastly, today I went to church, and felt the presence of God. It was a most wonderous feeling. To feel His love, grace, mercy and lovingkindness. I want to feel that all the days of my life. Perhaps it's time to check on my life. But God, thank You for the love You show.

Seeing me for who I am. Seeing past my flaws and all. That is the love of God.

Back to blog

2008-01-25T15:13:00.000+08:00

At last I am back to blogging again. Of course before I tell you guys anything I just wanna inform you guys that I will not be blogging as often this year, due to 'O' Levels yeah... Soo bear with me, but do continue reading. Anyways, Family salvation is nigh, and satan is getting pissed... Haha! But whatever goes up must come down see... So anyways... Despite my best efforts to be friends of my friends and teachers, my friends are cursing and swearing at me. Why? because I just did what my teachers instructed me to do... You have no idea how hurtful it is to have more than half the class hate you, cursing and swearing at you. And also when your own discipline IC is the one who hates you, and the one who ratted on you... *sigh* Well I guess satan is just trying to get me down... But no matter! I'm looking forward to cg tonight. I baked banana bread. You peeps must eat!

Until then this is Ayron. Keep on rawking for Christ

2008-01-04T19:32:00.000+08:00

2008 has only just started but so many things are happening already. Some of them good, some of them bad. This year is a super stress year for me, I got 'O' Levels this year and remedials after school everyday, add on home tuitions and now that I MUST, on order of my 'dad', learn a musical instrument and do a sport and commit 1 hour to each. I have no time for myself now... ... Plus attacks from satan... ... Gosh... It's tough on my siblings and me now... But there's a plus side to all these, praise the Lord, I have been unanimously elected class chairman. This puts me in a position of influence, and when influence is used properly, you never know. Also my brother has voiced his thought of coming for cell group and services, and he'll be bringing a friend along. Hallelujah! Truly all glory to God. Looks like we'll be multiplying real soon...

'O' Levels... Hooray!

2008-01-03T06:09:00.000+08:00

2008. A new year that's gonna be tough for me and for others as well, no doubt about that. First off I would like to apologize to my friends. Why? Because you won't see me as much as last year, due to the fact that this year is my 'O' Levels. I'm really, really, sorry. Next, I just wanna talk a little about 'O' Levels. I know you're probably thinking that I'm nuts, talking about 'Os' just when school reopened. But I just gotta say that it may be a bane to most of my classmates, but to me it is an opportunity to shine for Christ. And how many times can you sit for your 'O' Levels for the first time? Only once, so this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. So, my friends who are taking 'O' Levels this year, do work hard only for this year and then we can relax...

Well, I'd better get going to school already, but just remember peeps, you're all important to God. Much loves from God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Me!

Keep rawking for Christ!

More grace and mercy than all the world can hold.

2007-12-25T21:15:00.000+08:00

Don't you just have that super strong feeling of guilt in you when you disappoint someone but they don't shout at you? I fall. I'm human. But God never shouts at me... He always rebukes me in a soft spoken way. And because of His gentleness I can't bear to be near Him. When I am dirty and He is clean... How can I bear to dirty Him by being near Him?

He spoke again, to me concerning Psalm 51:7-11

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Make me hear joy and gladness,
That the bones you have broken may rejoice.
Hide Your face from my sins,
And blot out all my iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Your presence,
And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.

As I read the last words of verse 11 He spoke once again to me, and said, "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those that ask of Him?

Therefore My son,
I shall purge you with hyssop,
and you shall be clean.
I shall wash you with the blood of My Son,
and you shall be whiter than snow.
I shall make you hear joy and gladness,
that the bones I have broken may rejoice.
I shall hide my face from your sins,
and blot out all your iniquities.

I shall create in you a clean heart,
that breaks when My heart breaks.
And I shall also give you a steadfast spirit,
that shall not falter even in the face of adversity.
I shall not cast you away from My presence.
And I shall also not take away My Holy Spirit from you."

Christmas. That's why I live.

2007-12-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

I wanna wish you a merry Christmas! (3X)

From the bottom of my heart!

Feliz Navidad! (3X)

Prospero a-noy felizidad!

Merry Christmas to all of you peeps! Christmas, A season to give and forgive. Why? God gave His only Son to us, a fallen race. And through this act of giving He is actually forgiving us for our sins. So truly it is the season to give and to forgive.

A day of joy, hope, peace, giving, receiving (HEHE, alot of presents), forgiving, goodwill to all man, and love. Today my mum came to church, and this truly is an open door for us. she didn't receive Christ yet. But I know she enjoyed pastor's message. She was just repeating what pastor preached to Belle. HAHAHA. And while she has yet to receive Christ, I'm quite happy that she gave positive response about the church. All praise to the Lord! As we continue to pray for her, she will slowly but surely be integrated into the church. This I believe with all my heart. And the latter reign is better than the former. I will share more on why I put this on my blog on Saturday. See you guys on Saturday. Also Pastor preached a very short and simple message today, but It was very good. While he preached, I was searching myself. I'm sorry to all those whom I've misuse, mislead and mistreated. Pastor also preached on cribs. We talk about it in our Christmas stories, we sing about it in our Christmas carols. But it actually means

C rucial

R elationships

I nitiated

B y the

S avior

That's what cribs is actually peeps... And yeah, God has placed many friends in my life. They are really Crucial Relationships Initiated by the Savior. These people are all important to God. If they are important to God, why shouldn't they be important to me? So, people who think others are not important, especially your family and friends... REPENT!!! Turn over a new leaf, look at them in a different light. Remeber the sermon on the mount? We shouldn't be judgemental, for it is only God who is worthy to judge. So dear friends, lets no longer be fair weatherd friends, but stand by our loved ones and friends through Thick and Thin. Amen?

While blogging I'm actually waiting for midnight. It is when I'll start caroling and making noise on my new guitar! ( ^o^ ) To celebrate Jesus' birthday. Happy birthday to You, happy birthday to You HAppy birthday to Jesus! Happy birthday to You!

So until then, I'm Ayron. Keep rawking for Christ our Lord!

Let there be light

2007-12-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

I'm sitting at my computer now, blogging, obviously. Everything seems so peaceful now. Time really flies. Just 3 hours ago Fong, Daniel, Ryan, Sap, Shyang Zhi, Belle, Lokies and I were having dinner at the hawker center near my house. Only, it wasn't as fun as it would be. No details need to be given right now. Had a walk with Lokies and we just talked, and talked. And going through this valley is tough, but then as we continued to talk, I found myself crying. Not because I was sad, but because I AM convicted by what he spoke. And Jesus said "Come on to the water". So I came. "Walk till you see the shore, your destination, your destiny." said Jesus. So I walked. On the way I saw a boat, and on it was my family, and I asked them "Would you step out of the boat and walk with me?" Further on as I walked I saw, yet again, another boat. In it was my friends, and I asked them "Would you step out of the boat of the boat and walk with me?" And when I reached my destination, there they were, all of them. On the shore with me. As I visualized it, I continued to weep, tears of amazement. I was, again, shown another vision. This time I was walking, in darkness. And in the dark I could not see. I called out to the Lord, but no answer. I continued walking in the dark, and I called out to the Lord again. This time He said, "Here I am." And I cried out, saying "Lord, I can't see in the dark. I don't know If the path I'm taking is the right path. But I feel like I've strayed either all the way to the left, or all the way to the right." So the Lord said, "Hear my voice Ayron. Follow it, and I shall lead you back to the right path." And again, I wept. As Lokies was ministering to me, I found myself drifting into deep slumber. As I slept my mind was a blank. Slipping in and out of consciousness. At one point I even felt that my eyes couldn't open. But that didn't matter. I awoke about half an hour later. And Lokies was still there! Thanks for going the extra mile for me. After crying for what seemed like an eternity and sleeping for half an hour. I felt the peace of God. It was so peaceful. Even as we left the hawker center I could still feel the presence of the Lord. And it is so glorious. I just wanted that moment to go on, and on, and on.

Thanks, Lokies, for being there for me, for your words of encouragement. Words can hardly describe how grateful I am for what you've done for me.

Thank You, God, for being my Abba Father, for Your grace and mercy which is renewed for us each day. Also, thank You for loving me.

Thank You, Jesus, for being dying on the cross for my sins. Thank You for being my Lord and Saviour, and once again, words can't describe how much I thank You.

Holy Spirit, thank You, for being my Guide, my Comforter and my Closest Friend.

Campfire Night.

2007-12-19T11:56:00.000+08:00

Day 2

Woke up early in the morning at about 7+. Then went to wash up and went off to serve breakfast. Very good breakfast. Afterwards we went to have session with Eric. Very good preacher, great man of God. He was good in getting our attention, even though we were tired. During worship, I cried. The wonderful, glorious presence of God was there. Then we went off for fun and games. We played scavenger hunt and went around looking for clues. we only got 4 clues out of the 6. No matter, we did our best. Then we were about to play a very dirty and wet game. Every group has a prisoner and those prisoners would be pelted with water bombs and eggs, by the prison warden. And the attackers would go and save the prisoners, but if they're tapped by the defenders, then he/she would go to jail and get pelted. I wasn't very pleased with the fact that I was gonna get dirty. THen in the nick of time, it started raining. Hallelujah! But then we went to play an improvised version of the game. The objective now would be to steal our opponents slippers, while making sure our own wasn't stolen. We had much fun. Then we went off to have a shower or to practice our drama. Had great fun once again, yours truly was in the production, as a zombie. He he...

Went off to enjoy the campfire after the rehearsals, we sang campfire songs and did our cheers and did the wave. It was very enjoyable. For those of you who didn;t come well, we still have next year!

Pastor Zhuang then preached a little on Christmas, we had much fun, caroling and all that. Then we were allowed to turn in earlier, but then we went to the canteen after my shower to fellowship with the other fellas who were down there. Some of us wanted to eat McDonalds for supper, don't you know it's fattening?! Anyways Sap and I went back to sleep first. Woke up the very next day and Joshua asked 'Did you know I kicked your head last night?' Well, praise the Lord, I'm a deep sleeper. Hehe...

The blood we shed. The tears we cried (Not!)

2007-12-16T23:39:00.000+08:00

At long last I'm back to blog. I was away at the Breakaway youth camp. For those who missed it don't worry. There'll most likely be another one next year due to great response. Camp was fun, food was great, people there were nice.

Day 1
Assembled at Kuo Chuan presbyterian sec school for camp. started off with some ice breakers like Whacko! and then afterwards changed to...??? Did we change games? Sorry for the bad memory... I guess I'm a little STM. But anyways afterwards we did the House cheer. So it's something like...

Who are who are who are we?
We are we are we are who?
Who are we?
We are who?
Paladin Paladin all the way
Together we fight united we stand
V-I-C-T-O-R-Y
Victory victory is our cry
Paladin Paladin
Fight Fight Fight
(11x clap) Paladin
(11x clap) Paladin
Pala-pa-pa-pa
Paladin!

Yup, that's our cheer baby... Go Paladin! After that we went to put our stuff in the bunk and went for lunch. Great lunch. But then again if you're hungry anything tastes good. Hehe... Then we went off to play some fun (By which I mean dirty and wet) activities. We didn't manage to complete all due to time constraint, we had much fun though. Then we all assembled for a giant water balloon fight. We formed alliances with the other houses, or is it the other way around? In any case we formed alliances. Then we went against our word. Why? Because the other team was just waiting for us to use up our water balloons, then they attack us. But we're not that dumb. So we attacked them... Just like Hitler attacking Russia. But we emerged victorious, somewhat, unlike Hitler. Then we went off to have our shower and what not, I was the toilet IC along with Valerie (spelt right?) from Paladin 3. It's tough... If people won't listen to the toilet IC what more the Team leaders and Asst. Team leaders? Hats off to you guys. You were just fantastic. In the end I managed to get a shower, then went off to have dinner, it was Paladin's turn to serve and clean up, we didn't do a good job, turns out, so we had to do it again for day 2's breakfast. after thatwe went off to have session with Pastor Zhuang. Great man of God, great word he shared. then we went off to thehall for debrief... only to be taken for a night walk with blind folds on, didn't really enjoy it much cause I was pooped... But one thing the terrorist said was really funny...

Ever since I join Al Quaeda, I have never been to church. If I did, I would bomb it, just like that. (throws chain on to the ground)

I wanted to say 'go bomb lah' but decided not to... waste of saliva and energy. In the end we finished the night walk and went to sleep...

Hint to all those who are going for camp. Sleep in your sleeping bag, never on it.

Day 2 on another entry. Gotta get some ZZZ's, got work tomorrow.

Sheep and the shepherd

2007-12-11T23:18:00.000+08:00

I have never felt so tired yet peaceful in the longest time. Lokies, Jin Hong, Shyang Zhi, Kelvin and I stayed over at Joel's place last night. Instead of sleeping we spent the whole night playing games. Metal Slug, Dragonball, Digimon and Lokies' favourite the PSP. Afterwards we prayed a little for the Breakaway Youth Camp, our friends who are overseas and Joshua and Schumann, their having their common tests. C'mon you guys! You can do it! We're all rooting for you! Woot! After praying Lokies and Joel went on to play soccer on the PS2. Kelvin and I were playing the PSP trying to unlock Gaara. Then we went out for breakfast, it was quite nice to walk in the wind so early in the morning. Now I have another reason to get up early. Then we all went backto Joel's house to get some shut eye. I awoke again at about 7:30 am, but I didn't see anyone, all I saw were sleepy sheeps and a sleepy shepherd. (By the way, one of the sheep was still playing PSP) But in any case the time of fellowship we had last night/this morning, was truly a slice of heaven. I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

My God is so real.

2007-12-06T11:04:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had my best 2 hours, reading the Bible just before my tuition I finished the book of Jeremiah. In it it talks about what Israel and Judah have done and what would happen, it's like a book of prophecies. Wait a minute, it is! But anyways it says that they will be taken captive by king Nebuchadnezzar, to a land called Babylon. Afterwards I did some research on the internet, oh, the wonders of modern science, and I found out that this event actually happened. now don't say that I do not have faith in the word of God, I was just curious. Besides now I know how to rebutt my dad when he calls the Bible a ' work of fiction'.

Went on to read certain articles by a man called Charles Darwin, he was the 'genius' who came up with the 'theory of evolution' and 'survival of the fittest'. According to Darwin we evolved from monkeys, and we are here because we were the smartest monkeys around. So slowly from monkeys we became man, and the reason why we are still man is because we inherited the 'human' genes from our 'once-were-monkey' ancestors. Wow! This statement rocked the foundations of faith for many people and strengthened the belief , for many, that God didn't exist. However scientists have now proven by experimentation on lab rats that this is not true. If scientist can prove Darwin was wrong then how did we come about? I leave it to you to decide, but I know God created everything. That's how I am where I am today.

Sir Isaac Newton, one of the world's most famed mathematicians once said:

Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion.
God governs all things and knows all that is or can be done.

This most beautiful system of the sun, planets, and comets, could only proceed from the counsel and dominion of an intelligent Being. … This Being governs all things, not as the soul of the world, but as Lord over all; and on account of His dominion He is wont to be called “Lord God” παντοκρατωρ [pantokratōr], or “Universal Ruler”. … The Supreme God is a Being eternal, infinite, absolutely perfect.

Opposition to godliness is atheism in profession and idolatry in practice. Atheism is so senseless and odious to mankind that it never had many professors.

All these facts are great in strengthening my faith, but these are just words. It is the personal experiences with God, my Abba Father, that let me know He is real. To all those who think me as a fool I have but one thing to say. God says I'm 'cool'!

At Last

2007-12-04T09:22:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I've been able to blog, too busy over here at work. But anyways I'm back! We've just moved back to our Jurong West church building, and it's amazing! The place was cozier, seats were defintely more comfortable, and it just feels more like home. Though I've never had a proper church service there, it feels like I've been there all my life. Truly is great to be in the house of God. A day in His court is better than a thousand. I'd rather be a floor scrubber in the house of my God than a prince in the palace of sin.

After service we went to NTU to engage in sport activities, mainly B-ball. But that wasn't my cup of tea, so I went running instead. I ran 2.4 km, which was quite suprising. I never knew I could run on a day when I had a choice not to. But anyways the run was great. could feel the energy surging through me. Heheh. Then we decided to catch a movie, but not many people could come so we cancelled it. I was also supposed to have my first CL lesson, but due to the fact that we were having fun that day it was postponed to today (Tuesday).

So that's that, I will have my first CL lesson later in the evening, seeing that my house is being renovated right now it's a great idea to get outta the house.

Until then this is Ayron, keep on rawking for Christ!

Happy Birthday Andrew!

2007-11-27T08:49:00.000+08:00

Whoo... I'm so tired right now... I went to Andrew's house last night to celebrate his 17th birthday, the bank near his house brought back undesirable memories, long queues, below-average service, long waiting time, etc, etc... But it's Andrew's birthday I wanna talk about today. We had a great time of fellowship last night, there was Andrew, Kelvin, Hui Mei, Jin Hong, Lokies, Me and the steamboat. Haha! Had alot of fun, we were talking alot about movies, like what's the scariest movie we've watched, for Lokies, it was '28 Weeks Later', even Kelvin thought so. Then we changed it to what's the most romantic movies you've ever watched. Hui Mei was telling us how scary it was to take the lift up to Andrew's house alone, don't worry Hui Mei, your not the only one. I also discovered that Andrew has something for Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. At least I know what he like now...

In Christ Alone

2007-11-22T08:27:00.000+08:00

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! – who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save:
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied –
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine –
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
‘Til He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand!

Love this hymn.

Randomness.

2007-11-21T09:16:00.000+08:00

Wow... alot of random things to post... where to start? Let's start with my homework, yeah, I just realized I've not started on my holiday homework... Nope, not even english. The only homework I've finished is chemistry cause teacher made us do it in school.

I miss the Cell Group... Everyday apart is like torture. I know, it sounds like some cheesy line from a very cheesy, cliche soap opera. But still it's the truth. Soon we'll be multiplying, And it's a good thing, but not something that I'm really enthu about. But still, I'll respect any decision our leaders make.

A&B update. I'll be accomplishing my A&B pledge for the month of November by this week. Praise the Lord. Still it's a struggle. Alot of nice looking things calling my name... All those things will have to wait...

Next year I'll be in Sec 4. It's gonna be a very stressful year for me, seeing as MOE has pushed O's forward... MT O's will be in May! Can you believe it?! But still this doesn't really concern me, seeing as I have been forced to take CLB. I'm gonna have to catch up with my POA if I'm gonna get good grades for my O's. Same goes for my maths, science, english. Unbelievable. I'm gonna have to improve on almost all of my subjects.

Saw many tanks and weapons used by different militaries all over the world. My favourite so far would have to be the T-34 tank of the Soviet Union. It's a well armoured tank. In fact it is the first tank in the world to incorporate sloping armour such that a piece of metal 5 cm thick when tilted at a certain angle can become 8-12cm thick. It's main armament is a 76.2mm F-34 tank gun. It's secondary armament is a 7.62mm DT machine gun. It used a 12-cyl. diesel model V-2, 500 hp (370 kW). It was an easily mass produced engine and easy to maintain. This made the T-34 a fast medium tank of the Soviet Union. Unfortunately this tank design was discontinued in 1996 after serving for 56 years. Now to get a T-34 would cost approximately US$ 20,000 -US$ 40,000.

This is really random stuff.

19/11/2007

2007-11-19T07:55:00.000+08:00

It's 7:50 now, I'm coming in from my mum's office. yeah, I know. My comp isn't back yet... I'm expecting the worst now. Last week was truly phenomenal, I had alot of blessings, not gonna share now. Also we saw alot of new friends coming for last Saturday's BBQ. A very BIG Thank you to all the helpers who made the event possible. Also must thank God for the good weather, even though there were many ominous dark clouds in the sky, but it didn't rain. Praise the Lord. Unfortunately I had to leave earlier. reached home around 8:30 pm. Went into my room to see my Lego helicopter destroyed! First I thought it was Kino, maybe she went into my room to terrorise my Lego people. But after checking with Aunty Emily, turns out it was my cousins instead. when she went to ask them why they mess up my Lego they just kept laughing. I'm so gonna punish them next time. Hehehe.

Last Sunday's service was really unique. Pastor Phil came to paint and preach! it was really great, he entitled his painting 'The Cross'. Though it took some time for the picture to truly take form, when it did I was truly mesmerized by the picture. It touched my heart. After that we went to look at more of Pastor Phil's artwork. Was really, really, really, fantastically nice! Prices were even nicer. But the way he paints is such that he can just dab the brush on the canvas, and sooner or later the picture just takes form. If I could paint like that, My art grade would be better. Had a great time of fellowship afterwards. Carol blessed me with alot of things that day. Thanks Carol! Then we took a video called 'America's ugliest models'. It's so funny lah! Me and Sap were the judges and Lokies and Carol took turns being Tyra Banks. It was very comical. wonder if Lokies can send to me the vid...

I'm really proud of our church as well. we were expecting $22,000,000 for this Arise and Build, but, we managed to raise a total of $26,000,000++. Well Done City Harvest! Together we will be expecting 50,000 members before we have our new stadium! I can't wait, but then again, all good things come to those who wait. I'm also expecting 50 members for our Cell Group by December. It's gonna be tough, but if God is with me I can do all things. I'm really excited about next week's worship service with Reuben Morgan!

Till then this is Ayron.

I Love You.

2007-11-16T11:21:00.000+08:00

It was another day of work done. Listening to my songs on my mp3. Listening, listening to the lyrics and getting lost in them. Trying to catch the words, when suddenly, louder than anything I've ever heard, clearer than the clearest sound, and more evident than even the sun is, I heard Him call me.

"Ayron."

And I said, "Yes, Lord."

"I love you."

3 little words, with such great meaning. It touched me. I know my God is real, and I love Him too!

Doubts. Fustrations

2007-11-13T08:16:00.000+08:00

Talking the talk is one thing. Walking the walk is another. Looking at my finances... I'm so screwed... Sometimes I wonder if I can fulfill my pledge to the Lord. With so many events taking place during the holidays it's a wonder I still have strength. Thank God for that. I'm about to start Christian Lifestyle soon, but at the same time I want to give Shyang Zhi Bible Study. I know his desire is also to have Bible Study, but sometimes I wonder if I'm fit to give it to him. I still don't have a bloody clue as to where I'm headed! Everyone's pushing me to get into JC. Sure it's glamourous and it'll assure me a place in university. But what if I don't wanna go there?! What if I wanted something else?! Do they ever stop and consider what I want? It's just so friggin'ly fustrating when I can't seem to have a choice. However, even with the illusion of free choice, I still don't know where I'm headed, or where I want to go. I'm just drifting. I need a Dove to point me in the right direction. I dunno what it'll be, but, the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.

Here I go!

2007-11-12T07:56:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was on fire.
I remember what I did.
I did not know much then.
But I was looking for the lost.

Now the fire has died.
Down to nothing more than cinders.
All that was left were burnt logs,
and ashes...

But You. You came and reignited me
All it took was one log,
and a spark.
And the fire burns again.

The wind blows hard,
trying to extinguish my flame.
But He comes and adds more fuel.
Thus my flame burns brighter.

Yes the harvest is great!
But the labourers are few.
So here I am Lord.
Send me.

Armed with a sickle,
and a basket.
The harvest is ready
It's time to bring it in.

Here I go.
Into all the earth.
Living out Your Word.
Making Your praise heard!

Looking at my fruits

2007-11-09T09:31:00.000+08:00

There was a prayer meeting yesterday, going for the prayer meeting at Joel's house. It was so dumb. In my rush to get to Joel's place, I was sorta late, I got on to bus 98 instead of bus 99. at least it brought me to Lakeside MRT, from there I was able to get a train to JP and then take bus 242 to Joel's place. Such a waste of cash... Anyways I arrived late still, sorry guys. Now, this prayer meeting was 'special', it was more of a super mini Cell Group. Joshua led praise (Good Job Mate!), Hui Mei led worship (Multi talented Leader), and she also preached on what is an armour bearer. Or what an armour bearer does. anyways there are 10 points. As she shared on this topic, I looked at the points, reflecting on myself, and then I realized, "Hey, almost 70% of the points I have not done or been."

Hui Mei then asked all of us to share on our leaders, be it cell group leaders, ex-cell group leaders, or even one of the helpers. Joshua shared first, then Lokies and Schumann shared as well. Hui Mei asked for 2 more people to share, then she called me. I was, at this point torn in 2 parts, 1 part saying 'You don't have to share.' The other saying 'But I want to.' In the end I shared, about what I felt about myself. Trying my best not to cry, I ended. Joshua then spoke to me, telling me, how I've been willing to serve, everytime he asks for something I would be there to say 'Yes, I can do it'. Tears flowed down my eyes, as emotion overwhelmed me, expecting someone to say 'Yeah, see how you've been, see how you've acted.' In short, expecting someone to rebuke me. Instead Joshua spoke to me of what I've done and been. And I've never thought of myself this way. Lokies then spoke, saying how I've been a source of strength to him, how I've been there for him. Again, I never saw myself in this light. Schumann spoke to me saying, "Look at your fruits." I thought about what he said, and I realized I've never looked at my fruits, nor have I given myself credit for what I've done and been. Instead I've beaten myself up over my failures and told myself I could have always done better, even when I've put in my best. I'm not trying to put myself in the spotlight y'know. But I just wanna share this with all the people who are like me. stop beating yourself up. Instead give credit for what you've done and been, and always look at your fruits.

Till then, this is Ayron.

My computer and I

2007-11-08T09:41:00.000+08:00

Coming in from my mum's office. it's very slow today since it's Deepavali and the banks aren't open. It's too slow for my taste... Anyway the only way I can seem to blog now is on my mum's office computer since mine has to be reformatted... But I can't reformat it myself, so a very good friend of mine will be taking my computer away to reformat it. My computer hates me so... I've been very good to my computer, best graphic card, best anti-virus system, best etc, etc... but still it's not satisfied. choosing instead to crash and stall... It's so stubborn! I can't even play solitaire without it crashing. Well, I now have 3 options,

1) Reformat it and pray for the best.

If after reformating it still doesn't work,

2) Live without a computer.

But if I can't live without a computer, (And I can't)

3) Get a new Paladin Computer.

I'd very much rather have the Paladin Computer. Mum! Break out the Cheque book.

My cash for the building fund is increasing steadily. But I have my doubts of whether I can accomplish it or not... But by the Grace of God it will be completed. If I work extra hard I may be able to complete my building fund by end of December. Also because of the Breakaway Youth Camp I will not be going to work on the 13th to 15th of December... I'm torn between going for the camp and working towards my building fund.

On the whole this week has been quite good even if tiring. God has blessed me with a new book and a new computer game. Hellgate: London. But it's no use having a game if you can't play it on a computer eh? Well, like I said this week has been quite good, it would have been even better without a stubborn computer. It's as stubborn as a mule. (Sorry, animal lovers)

So, until then, this is Ayron signing off.

Arise(ing) and Build(ing)

2007-11-07T11:08:00.000+08:00

My 1st Arise and Build has finally begun! I'm really excited about it and will be giving my best. I never knew I could give so much till today. I recently got a job in my Mum's office as a Clerk/Accountant. POA is so useful right about now... But in any case the pay is good (S$20) and so are the hours. I would get to work by 8, and would usually leave by 3, latest (5 hours). The only downside is... IT'S SO FRIGGIN' BORING!!! Sitting at my desk for 5 hours straight, writing cheques, checking accounts, faxing, making calls! Argh! it's enough to drive me nuts! But, hey, at least I'm getting paid to be bored. HA HA. Most of the money gained will be going towards building God a new house. Together we'll hit the S$22,000,000.

At last in the blogging world

2007-11-07T11:00:00.000+08:00

Whoo... I'm in the blogging world at long last! always thinking it was a bore, but well, it seems so interesting now! So glad to finally be able to post my opinions on the web for all to see!

You'll be hearing more from me! Rawk On!