Doubts. Fustrations

Talking the talk is one thing. Walking the walk is another. Looking at my finances... I'm so screwed... Sometimes I wonder if I can fulfill my pledge to the Lord. With so many events taking place during the holidays it's a wonder I still have strength. Thank God for that. I'm about to start Christian Lifestyle soon, but at the same time I want to give Shyang Zhi Bible Study. I know his desire is also to have Bible Study, but sometimes I wonder if I'm fit to give it to him. I still don't have a bloody clue as to where I'm headed! Everyone's pushing me to get into JC. Sure it's glamourous and it'll assure me a place in university. But what if I don't wanna go there?! What if I wanted something else?! Do they ever stop and consider what I want? It's just so friggin'ly fustrating when I can't seem to have a choice. However, even with the illusion of free choice, I still don't know where I'm headed, or where I want to go. I'm just drifting. I need a Dove to point me in the right direction. I dunno what it'll be, but, the steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord.