Looking at my fruits

There was a prayer meeting yesterday, going for the prayer meeting at Joel's house. It was so dumb. In my rush to get to Joel's place, I was sorta late, I got on to bus 98 instead of bus 99. at least it brought me to Lakeside MRT, from there I was able to get a train to JP and then take bus 242 to Joel's place. Such a waste of cash... Anyways I arrived late still, sorry guys. Now, this prayer meeting was 'special', it was more of a super mini Cell Group. Joshua led praise (Good Job Mate!), Hui Mei led worship (Multi talented Leader), and she also preached on what is an armour bearer. Or what an armour bearer does. anyways there are 10 points. As she shared on this topic, I looked at the points, reflecting on myself, and then I realized, "Hey, almost 70% of the points I have not done or been."

Hui Mei then asked all of us to share on our leaders, be it cell group leaders, ex-cell group leaders, or even one of the helpers. Joshua shared first, then Lokies and Schumann shared as well. Hui Mei asked for 2 more people to share, then she called me. I was, at this point torn in 2 parts, 1 part saying 'You don't have to share.' The other saying 'But I want to.' In the end I shared, about what I felt about myself. Trying my best not to cry, I ended. Joshua then spoke to me, telling me, how I've been willing to serve, everytime he asks for something I would be there to say 'Yes, I can do it'. Tears flowed down my eyes, as emotion overwhelmed me, expecting someone to say 'Yeah, see how you've been, see how you've acted.' In short, expecting someone to rebuke me. Instead Joshua spoke to me of what I've done and been. And I've never thought of myself this way. Lokies then spoke, saying how I've been a source of strength to him, how I've been there for him. Again, I never saw myself in this light. Schumann spoke to me saying, "Look at your fruits." I thought about what he said, and I realized I've never looked at my fruits, nor have I given myself credit for what I've done and been. Instead I've beaten myself up over my failures and told myself I could have always done better, even when I've put in my best. I'm not trying to put myself in the spotlight y'know. But I just wanna share this with all the people who are like me. stop beating yourself up. Instead give credit for what you've done and been, and always look at your fruits.

Till then, this is Ayron.