07/07/2008

It's been what? About a week since I blogged? No matter...It's time to let go... Time to let go of my self condemnation. It's the one thing I never seem to be able to get over properly... Oh well. Attended Saturday service with pastor Mike Connell. Inspiring and captivating for some. I'm happy for them. Sunday. Cell Group meeting at Cynthia's place. A time of seeing God's miracles, signs and wonders. Many were delivered from their demons. Many felt the joy of the Lord. I'm happy and grateful that the Lord did it for them. But, why not I? I am actually totally discouraged... ...

I seem to be losing a very good friend of mine. I hope the feeling is not one sided. I pray that this is not so... It's funny, how many people consider themselves to be in my inner circle... Please... ... I don't think that I'll have many friends in my life... Maybe it's for the better. I leave it to God to decide. I just found out that deep within my subconscious mind. I'd rather die if I can't have God. The thoughts of death is rather tempting right now... Hmm... I hope it's just a phase and not an obsession.

The world is pretty bleak without God...