As of today this blog is going offline. Not going to be deleted, but won't be updated.
A new blog will be coming up soon, I promise you.
Invitations will be sent once it's up and running. :)
Monday, August 4, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Prayer helps
A little bit of prayer goes a long way. It's been a hard week for me, a lot of failures and short comings. But just last night, I sealed the whole week with a prayer to God. And what a wonderful release. Somehow my burdens just disappeared. My worries vanished. Prayer helps, and it is beneficial in both the long run and the short run. I'll run this race with fervency and certainty :)
Saturday, August 2, 2008
My choice (Part 2)
I've made my choice. It's hard. Something I pray that I can stick to. It ain't easy for me. but I feel that it'll be better for us. I missed out on FOP again this year. Something I don't intend to make a habit out of.
It's best for me to rest now. I don't feel like living at this moment. I need my slumber...
It's best for me to rest now. I don't feel like living at this moment. I need my slumber...
My choice
I have to make a choice now... It's hard but it's still gotta be made.
Thank you, Emily, for your prayers and your SMSes. They really mean alot to me.
Thank you, Emily, for your prayers and your SMSes. They really mean alot to me.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Deadly imagination
"Officer, would you come closer?"
He turned to look at me, then he started walking towards me. Foolish man. Doesn't he know he shouldn't approach me?
"I need to tell you a secret. Only for your ears. Come closer, that I may whisper them into your ears."
He leans forward, towards the bed, so that his ear will be next to my mouth. Next thing he knows, I've slit his throat with the pen knife I had in my hand. Blood spurted out onto the bedsheets, floor and my face. Refreshing... I get off the hospital bed and start stripping him of his clothes and his effects. I always wanted to know what it's like to be an officer. Now I got my wish.
"Hi, Officer Jackson here. Yes, Mr. Thompson, could you come down to ward 67B of Princeton hospital.
"Sure! I'm on my way."
He's on his way, now all we gotta do is wait. Oh! And clean up this mess, but Marco and Jacko are taking care of it... ...
I'll leave the details of the following events out... It's amazing where my imagination takes me. To places I never dreamed of before. Showing me for what I am, subconciously. A sadist...
When will my eternal slumber come? Soon? I don't know... When it comes, I'll be free from this prison, called my mind. I'll be free from this warfare, where every battle is a losing one. Above all, there'll be peace.
I'm seating in a red velvet armchair, in front of a roaring fire, with a dog curled up at my feet... Then from behind me comes a dagger. Soon it's at my throat... We can guess the rest. I feel so peaceful at last...
He turned to look at me, then he started walking towards me. Foolish man. Doesn't he know he shouldn't approach me?
"I need to tell you a secret. Only for your ears. Come closer, that I may whisper them into your ears."
He leans forward, towards the bed, so that his ear will be next to my mouth. Next thing he knows, I've slit his throat with the pen knife I had in my hand. Blood spurted out onto the bedsheets, floor and my face. Refreshing... I get off the hospital bed and start stripping him of his clothes and his effects. I always wanted to know what it's like to be an officer. Now I got my wish.
"Hi, Officer Jackson here. Yes, Mr. Thompson, could you come down to ward 67B of Princeton hospital.
"Sure! I'm on my way."
He's on his way, now all we gotta do is wait. Oh! And clean up this mess, but Marco and Jacko are taking care of it... ...
I'll leave the details of the following events out... It's amazing where my imagination takes me. To places I never dreamed of before. Showing me for what I am, subconciously. A sadist...
When will my eternal slumber come? Soon? I don't know... When it comes, I'll be free from this prison, called my mind. I'll be free from this warfare, where every battle is a losing one. Above all, there'll be peace.
I'm seating in a red velvet armchair, in front of a roaring fire, with a dog curled up at my feet... Then from behind me comes a dagger. Soon it's at my throat... We can guess the rest. I feel so peaceful at last...
Mirror Syndrome
Another year, and I'm missing out on FOP. Again... I'm still not well enough to attend. hopefully I'll be well by Sunday...
Mirror Syndrome
Mirror syndrome is a rare disorder affecting pregnant women. Its name reflects the fact that symptoms in the mother reflect symptoms in the foetus, and it presents significant risk to both.
I think I'm going through mirror syndrome... But I'm not pregnant, neither am I female...
When one is weak, so is the other...
When one dies, so too does the other...
But...
When one is strong, so is the other...
When one lives, so too does the other...
Changing, changing, we're all changing...
Mirror Syndrome
Mirror syndrome is a rare disorder affecting pregnant women. Its name reflects the fact that symptoms in the mother reflect symptoms in the foetus, and it presents significant risk to both.
I think I'm going through mirror syndrome... But I'm not pregnant, neither am I female...
When one is weak, so is the other...
When one dies, so too does the other...
But...
When one is strong, so is the other...
When one lives, so too does the other...
Changing, changing, we're all changing...
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Another night of terror... plus a nose bleed this morning... What a way to start the day... I'm not well, physically. I really do hope that I'll be well by tonight or tomorrow... It's FOP. If I'm sick I won't be going. If I'm well, then I'll go.
I came by this question, "Is it more blessed to love or be loved?"
I seriously don't know... Reflecting on this question, I can't say that I know how to love... So I'll have to say, it's more blessed to be loved.
At least I know my friends care. Make that friend. I only got 1 sms from her. Oh well, I'm not as likable as some I guess...
I came by this question, "Is it more blessed to love or be loved?"
I seriously don't know... Reflecting on this question, I can't say that I know how to love... So I'll have to say, it's more blessed to be loved.
At least I know my friends care. Make that friend. I only got 1 sms from her. Oh well, I'm not as likable as some I guess...
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Give, take or nothing at all?/Dreams
In this season I would love to give to you... But you won't let me know what you want... You never do...
Should I then take from you? But seeing as you won't give me, I can't, won't and shan't take from you...
What then? Should I just sit back and do nothing? Neither taking nor giving...
Or should I continue? Either taking from you, or giving to you?
I dreamed of you... You scare me... You're not the person I knew. Are you changing? I suppose you are. You said so yourself. I'm on the verge of tears whenever I think about you... No more do I have sweet dreams about you... But nightmares... You lie to me always, I don't blame you... After what's happened before, I know it ain't easy to trust anyone. Including me. I don't feel like seeing you, yet I want to know you. I'm not as good a friend as you want me to be... And I don't think I'll ever be...
Perhaps I should take his advise and forget about you... ...
Should I then take from you? But seeing as you won't give me, I can't, won't and shan't take from you...
What then? Should I just sit back and do nothing? Neither taking nor giving...
Or should I continue? Either taking from you, or giving to you?
I dreamed of you... You scare me... You're not the person I knew. Are you changing? I suppose you are. You said so yourself. I'm on the verge of tears whenever I think about you... No more do I have sweet dreams about you... But nightmares... You lie to me always, I don't blame you... After what's happened before, I know it ain't easy to trust anyone. Including me. I don't feel like seeing you, yet I want to know you. I'm not as good a friend as you want me to be... And I don't think I'll ever be...
Perhaps I should take his advise and forget about you... ...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Nightmares...
Um... ... It's not easy Father. I'm constantly falling... Why is this so?
I'm plagued by nightmares... I don't really dare to sleep or even close my eyes...
"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit." that's what I wrote on my board. Why aren't I remembering what I wrote?
The latest nightmare I had was just last night... Really scared me. I never dream any good dreams anymore... I either have nightmares or I don't dream at all...
I've prayed for so long for God to take it away but nothing yet...
It's been what? About 1 and a half months already since it started...
I'm plagued by nightmares... I don't really dare to sleep or even close my eyes...
"Do not grieve the Holy Spirit." that's what I wrote on my board. Why aren't I remembering what I wrote?
The latest nightmare I had was just last night... Really scared me. I never dream any good dreams anymore... I either have nightmares or I don't dream at all...
I've prayed for so long for God to take it away but nothing yet...
It's been what? About 1 and a half months already since it started...
Friday, July 25, 2008
YCSS revival?
It's Friday again. And guess what, no PM. Again... I can't do this on my own guys! True! Prayer is the key to revival! But a school campus church is never built on one person. Am I the only one feeling a burden for our school? It's only like 2 and a half months left. Please guys... We need to start what we've desired to start. Since school reopened only Zi Rui and I have gotten together to pray. And the presence came. What about you Lok? None of us can do this by ourselves. I need us to really make sacrifices. We can't see revival if we don't make sacrifices. Even if it means not being able to study more, or not being able to hang out with friends more or whatever. We need to make these necessary sacrifices.
The people in our school need to know Him! And we are His ambassadors! In this school where the youths are corrupted and being taught wrong moral values by their peers, we HAVE to do something. Once again, I'm just asking you guys, please feel the burden for our school. It really breaks my heart to have to write this... Cause I never thought that I'll be in this position. Especially to you guys...
I remember my vision for our school. What about you guys? Do you remember the vision given to you by Him. How the both of you saw the exact same thing, the AVT completely jam-packed with students. We can make it happen guys! But we really need to make sacrifices. For Zi Rui and I, we have only 2 and a half months left. For you Lok, you have about 14 months. But don't wait, for He says that the time is NOW! Truly the harvest is great but the labourers are few. Begin to think about what I have written. Are we ready to make sacrifices? If the answer is 'Yes', well that's very good. But if your answer is 'No'. I can then only pray that Him and I can bring about revival in our school...
The people in our school need to know Him! And we are His ambassadors! In this school where the youths are corrupted and being taught wrong moral values by their peers, we HAVE to do something. Once again, I'm just asking you guys, please feel the burden for our school. It really breaks my heart to have to write this... Cause I never thought that I'll be in this position. Especially to you guys...
I remember my vision for our school. What about you guys? Do you remember the vision given to you by Him. How the both of you saw the exact same thing, the AVT completely jam-packed with students. We can make it happen guys! But we really need to make sacrifices. For Zi Rui and I, we have only 2 and a half months left. For you Lok, you have about 14 months. But don't wait, for He says that the time is NOW! Truly the harvest is great but the labourers are few. Begin to think about what I have written. Are we ready to make sacrifices? If the answer is 'Yes', well that's very good. But if your answer is 'No'. I can then only pray that Him and I can bring about revival in our school...
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Wandering? Look to Him!
People go through times of wandering in life. Just look at the Israelites of Exodus. They wandered in the wilderness for 40 years! Not because they were lost or didn't know the way, but because they're heart wasn't right with God.
When you feel like wandering, not knowing what's happening, ask yourself: Is everything right with God? In this age we live in, it is so easy to forget about God. To forget about the One who remembers you. It is so easy to place God as number 2 in our life. It is really so easy to just give up on Him who has hope in us.
Stop wandering! Get back to your first love, who is Jesus Christ. In Him, there is direction. In Him. there is purpose. In this Christian walk, trials and tribulations are a definite. For it is through many trails and tribulations that we enter the kingdom of God.
Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, "We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God." -Acts 14:22
Strengthen yourself! Guard your heart! In Him, we have a reason to be living. To do the will of the Father, the Almighty God. He says in Isaiah 41:10
"...I will stregthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Trust in Him! Yes, again I say, trust in Him. There is much to gain by following Him on the long, narrow path to eternal life. Remember your covenant with Him, be faithful, always, to God. Look to Him for guidance, and He will guide you out of the wilderness. Out of your wanderings.
Be strong for Him. Have faith in Him. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. Never give up on your faith, for He who promised is faithful.
When you feel like wandering, not knowing what's happening, ask yourself: Is everything right with God? In this age we live in, it is so easy to forget about God. To forget about the One who remembers you. It is so easy to place God as number 2 in our life. It is really so easy to just give up on Him who has hope in us.
Stop wandering! Get back to your first love, who is Jesus Christ. In Him, there is direction. In Him. there is purpose. In this Christian walk, trials and tribulations are a definite. For it is through many trails and tribulations that we enter the kingdom of God.
Strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, "We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God." -Acts 14:22
Strengthen yourself! Guard your heart! In Him, we have a reason to be living. To do the will of the Father, the Almighty God. He says in Isaiah 41:10
"...I will stregthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Trust in Him! Yes, again I say, trust in Him. There is much to gain by following Him on the long, narrow path to eternal life. Remember your covenant with Him, be faithful, always, to God. Look to Him for guidance, and He will guide you out of the wilderness. Out of your wanderings.
Be strong for Him. Have faith in Him. For without faith, it is impossible to please God. Never give up on your faith, for He who promised is faithful.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
16/07/08
Hmm... A long day. No matter, today was rather fruitful I would say. Managed to get work done in school, though I was super tired... It was so hard to keep my eyes open, and the weather did nothing to help at all... I thank God for wisdom and peace in this "Rowdy" school of mine. Really thank God for helping me keep my peace though. Today a teacher of mine broke down and cried. I don't know why but I'm worried. I'll check on her again... In the mean time God I just wanna lift her up into Your caring hands. I'm quite bored actually... None of my cell group members to fellowship with during the week... Maybe we should all go for dinner on Friday. Ah well....
Lord I just want to commit tomrorrow into Your hands. I fight with certainty.
Lord I just want to commit tomrorrow into Your hands. I fight with certainty.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Fairy-tale ending? I think so too!
This blog entry is my 50th post. Another 50 more to hit my 100th. But I ain't here to talk about that. God is good, all the time! All the time God is good! How many of you can say amen to that?
A depressing story that spans 3 weeks or so. So lost and alone... The usual plot... On Friday. A change. It was the beggining of the end. The joy of the Lord came upon me, no holy laughter though... Oh well... I guess it's just not my time eh? But no matter. God has written the ending of this story of my life. Him and me are just gonna write the "The End" now.
Much loves to my heavenly Father, who never forsaked me when I needed Him the most. It was dumb of me to ever think of leaving His side. I'm more than a child of God. I'm a prince of God!
Night night Daddy!
A depressing story that spans 3 weeks or so. So lost and alone... The usual plot... On Friday. A change. It was the beggining of the end. The joy of the Lord came upon me, no holy laughter though... Oh well... I guess it's just not my time eh? But no matter. God has written the ending of this story of my life. Him and me are just gonna write the "The End" now.
Much loves to my heavenly Father, who never forsaked me when I needed Him the most. It was dumb of me to ever think of leaving His side. I'm more than a child of God. I'm a prince of God!
Night night Daddy!
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
09/07/08
Hmm... It's halfway through the week... Another 2 days of schooling before I go back to church. I'm quite happy to say that I've almost like no remedial for the rest of the week due to the upcoming Art fest held at my school. Not looking forward to it though... Less people in the school tomorrow... Going to Ngee Ann poly again tomorrow...
In this, my hour of uncertainty, show me a way. Show me which path to take.
In this, my hour of uncertainty, show me a way. Show me which path to take.
Monday, July 7, 2008
07/07/2008
It's been what? About a week since I blogged? No matter...It's time to let go... Time to let go of my self condemnation. It's the one thing I never seem to be able to get over properly... Oh well. Attended Saturday service with pastor Mike Connell. Inspiring and captivating for some. I'm happy for them. Sunday. Cell Group meeting at Cynthia's place. A time of seeing God's miracles, signs and wonders. Many were delivered from their demons. Many felt the joy of the Lord. I'm happy and grateful that the Lord did it for them. But, why not I? I am actually totally discouraged... ...
I seem to be losing a very good friend of mine. I hope the feeling is not one sided. I pray that this is not so... It's funny, how many people consider themselves to be in my inner circle... Please... ... I don't think that I'll have many friends in my life... Maybe it's for the better. I leave it to God to decide. I just found out that deep within my subconscious mind. I'd rather die if I can't have God. The thoughts of death is rather tempting right now... Hmm... I hope it's just a phase and not an obsession.
The world is pretty bleak without God...
I seem to be losing a very good friend of mine. I hope the feeling is not one sided. I pray that this is not so... It's funny, how many people consider themselves to be in my inner circle... Please... ... I don't think that I'll have many friends in my life... Maybe it's for the better. I leave it to God to decide. I just found out that deep within my subconscious mind. I'd rather die if I can't have God. The thoughts of death is rather tempting right now... Hmm... I hope it's just a phase and not an obsession.
The world is pretty bleak without God...
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Alone?
I'll trash everything out now... I'm not pleased with myself. Or society for the matter... I know that we've talked but it still weighs heavily in my heart... My computer is down, so I'm actually blogging during lessons... Do I bring joy or sorrow? Seems like not anyone wants to talk to me. Its' probably God's way of saying, "Son, I want you to turn to me. Not the world." I'm sorry that I've been negligent. I'm sorry that I could not be or do what you wanted me to. No more words... Action... It's hard, and I will not budge till You come and take my hand. It's just like the beggining... Alone again... No more words. I'll stop here for now...
On a happier note I want to thank You. I thank You for a mum that cares. I thank You for a dad that loves. I can't say much about my siblings, but thank God for them too... I've been receiving e-mails from people. Thank God for you guys too.
Much loves,
Ayron.
...But a fool rages and is self confident. I guess that'll be me...
On a happier note I want to thank You. I thank You for a mum that cares. I thank You for a dad that loves. I can't say much about my siblings, but thank God for them too... I've been receiving e-mails from people. Thank God for you guys too.
Much loves,
Ayron.
...But a fool rages and is self confident. I guess that'll be me...
Sunday, June 29, 2008
How do I go about saying it? It weighs heavily in my chest... Somehow 'sorry' just doesn't about cover it. How do I explain it? In my blind rage I've caused hurt to those around me. In my unrighteous fury I've brought about sorrow... I ask for your forgiveness... But am I worthy of it? I'm just another boy, in a sea of faces. I'm just another soul, in this place called earth. I'm scared of deliverance... It must be the devils in me. Or is it really me? I'm determined not to say what I have to say here. I'm going to tell it to you, face to face. But do I have the courage? Lord, You are my salvation. You are my Rock. Can You dwell in a tainted vessel though?
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
I've failed my test.
Joel's warning of what was to come came to pass. An attack by the devil. Allowed by God. I was on the verge of going past the point of no return. But the holy, righteous Lord sent a perfect angel into my house today. We talked and I uncorked the bottle that was filling up with my troubles and thoughts. The demons have been supressed. But more than just this I got some people I want to say sorry to...
The People: It was immature of me to say what I said about all of you. I shouldn't have had let one person's impression of themselves be a standard for the rest. I wish I could take back my words but I can't. I'm sorry.
Kelvin: I'm sorry that I've not been able to perfrm to the best of my ability. I'm sorry to have let you down. I know though that you love and care for me. Forgive me for thinking of you in a negative light.
Father: I'm sorry that I've failed Your test, I'm sorry that I even thought of leaving Your house. I shouldn't have thought that way but I did. I'm so sorry. I thank You for the love that You have gave. For my sins You went up on the cross. I know that You truly care and love me.
The People: It was immature of me to say what I said about all of you. I shouldn't have had let one person's impression of themselves be a standard for the rest. I wish I could take back my words but I can't. I'm sorry.
Kelvin: I'm sorry that I've not been able to perfrm to the best of my ability. I'm sorry to have let you down. I know though that you love and care for me. Forgive me for thinking of you in a negative light.
Father: I'm sorry that I've failed Your test, I'm sorry that I even thought of leaving Your house. I shouldn't have thought that way but I did. I'm so sorry. I thank You for the love that You have gave. For my sins You went up on the cross. I know that You truly care and love me.
rantings of a mad man?
TALK TO ME! SHOW ME THE LOVE! YOU AIN"T GONNA?! BE THAT WAY!
hypocritical people. my anger for mankind just grows... murderous intents... hateful thoughts. i'm doing it out of duty, not pleasure. tomorrow. the day where i'll go back to my ex-home. i'll dwell but if there ain't anything then screw it. paranoid me? perhaps i've gone over the edge. perhaps not. if i did i wouldn't be here would i? bursting... bursting... bursting... not yet, but soon... BURST! are these my feeling? are these my thoughts? people around me change for the better. i guess it's because i'm changing for the worser. breaking down in tears, is that me? hating myself, is that me? seems not. but rather it's the new me. i despise the new me. it sucks big time. deliverance? doubt it. i don't think i may even go. when one leaves SEVEN will return. 7 days to go? i may be gone by then. consumed by the very thing i tried to suppress. save me if you can. not if it's...
hypocritical people. my anger for mankind just grows... murderous intents... hateful thoughts. i'm doing it out of duty, not pleasure. tomorrow. the day where i'll go back to my ex-home. i'll dwell but if there ain't anything then screw it. paranoid me? perhaps i've gone over the edge. perhaps not. if i did i wouldn't be here would i? bursting... bursting... bursting... not yet, but soon... BURST! are these my feeling? are these my thoughts? people around me change for the better. i guess it's because i'm changing for the worser. breaking down in tears, is that me? hating myself, is that me? seems not. but rather it's the new me. i despise the new me. it sucks big time. deliverance? doubt it. i don't think i may even go. when one leaves SEVEN will return. 7 days to go? i may be gone by then. consumed by the very thing i tried to suppress. save me if you can. not if it's...
(27/06/08 part 2)
My latest blog entry was not too long ago.
Do people care? Only when they wanna get on your good side.
Do people love? Only when they wanna deceive.
Do people cherish? Only when it's gone.
Do people encourage. Only when they wanna seem good
Does God hear? Apparently not.
Can Jesus love me?
Christisans: Yes! He will take anyone.
Me: Never.
Should I hate him? I don't want to yet I am.
All is a lie.
"I care for you!" Yeah right...
"I love you!" You're trying to deceive me.
"You're my cherished friend!" Only when I'm gone.
"You can do it!" You trying to look good in my eyes?
"God hears you from heaven!" Liar...
I ran home today as I was suppose to reach home by 3 for a gathering. Somehow I knew only when I got home.
I gave up my 'O' level coursework for something that wasn't even going to take place. Boy am I dumb...
On the way home I heard and saw a truck tire burst.
I'm about to burst.
A drama, with the characters put into position. Props all ready. Light and sound ready. Effects ready. Let the drama unfurl.
I blame myself for letting this drama start. It's so Shakespeareian. A sad story. A murder. A story of the world. My world.
The world I have known is now lost in shadows. No more stars light up the night sky. No more sun beating down on the day. No more sound of music. No more taste of love. No more touches from heaven. All that is left is me. Standing in a voidless world. Consuming myself in this lowly pit that I have created and fallen into.
The world is full of guilty people. Full of people who have sinned and are still sinning. People try to cover up their guilt for what they have done with words.
Moral Support? Screw those 2 words.
Man are greedy creatures. Working for a cash incentive. Never working out of pure love or friendship. This world should just consume itself in the flames of our greed, anger, lust, jealousy, pride, sin, lies, deceitfulness, dishonesty, unholiness, heresy and false brotherhood.
I'm just slipping through Your fingers. Either You're not grabbing me hard enough or I'm not holding on tight enough.
If I die tonight. Let me burn.
Do people care? Only when they wanna get on your good side.
Do people love? Only when they wanna deceive.
Do people cherish? Only when it's gone.
Do people encourage. Only when they wanna seem good
Does God hear? Apparently not.
Can Jesus love me?
Christisans: Yes! He will take anyone.
Me: Never.
Should I hate him? I don't want to yet I am.
All is a lie.
"I care for you!" Yeah right...
"I love you!" You're trying to deceive me.
"You're my cherished friend!" Only when I'm gone.
"You can do it!" You trying to look good in my eyes?
"God hears you from heaven!" Liar...
I ran home today as I was suppose to reach home by 3 for a gathering. Somehow I knew only when I got home.
I gave up my 'O' level coursework for something that wasn't even going to take place. Boy am I dumb...
On the way home I heard and saw a truck tire burst.
I'm about to burst.
A drama, with the characters put into position. Props all ready. Light and sound ready. Effects ready. Let the drama unfurl.
I blame myself for letting this drama start. It's so Shakespeareian. A sad story. A murder. A story of the world. My world.
The world I have known is now lost in shadows. No more stars light up the night sky. No more sun beating down on the day. No more sound of music. No more taste of love. No more touches from heaven. All that is left is me. Standing in a voidless world. Consuming myself in this lowly pit that I have created and fallen into.
The world is full of guilty people. Full of people who have sinned and are still sinning. People try to cover up their guilt for what they have done with words.
Moral Support? Screw those 2 words.
Man are greedy creatures. Working for a cash incentive. Never working out of pure love or friendship. This world should just consume itself in the flames of our greed, anger, lust, jealousy, pride, sin, lies, deceitfulness, dishonesty, unholiness, heresy and false brotherhood.
I'm just slipping through Your fingers. Either You're not grabbing me hard enough or I'm not holding on tight enough.
If I die tonight. Let me burn.
(27/06/08)
The world. Full of people who care.
Lies! All of it, lies!
There is never permanant friends. Only permenant interest.
-Mr Paul Lim. Humanities teacher.
People saw me for what I have, not who I am. (past)
People see me for who I am, not what I have. (That's what I thought.)
People see me for what I have, not who I am. (present)
Am I only good to be milked till I'm dry. Then to be discarded?
Am I only good for what I can provide?
At least I know how God feels when people look for the blessing instead of the blesser.
I am like sheep to the slaughter. But this little sheep sees. This little sheep knows. This little sheep is gonna run. As far as I can go. Time and energy and money wasted. People have played with my goodwill. No more. After today I say "No More!"
Never again shall I waste my effort, never again shall I toil for others. Never again will this world deceive me. The world is full of people who will lie, steal, kill and destroy. They'll do anything to get what they want. People. You've succeded in deceiving me once, twice. But this is as far as you shall go!
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you.
Fool me thrice, shame on me.
If there was no one on earth. It would have prospered. It would have been a world of peace, without lies, hatred, racism and the like. I guess God never expected His children to be like that. Woe to the man who veils his evil ways with love. Woe to the man who tries to deceive me.
Believe me, it's never my wish to turn this way. But I have. Do not ever, deceive me with your honeyed words. For this little sheep has seen through it. And he will run.
I wonder if I should have started this journey at all. Was it worth it. Sure there are ups. But tis always for a moment. The journeys through the valleys are longer, darker and scarier with each passing moment. The reward? I've yet to receive it. I may never. It's heresy to speak like that, but God, this is what I see.
Lies! All of it, lies!
There is never permanant friends. Only permenant interest.
-Mr Paul Lim. Humanities teacher.
People saw me for what I have, not who I am. (past)
People see me for who I am, not what I have. (That's what I thought.)
People see me for what I have, not who I am. (present)
Am I only good to be milked till I'm dry. Then to be discarded?
Am I only good for what I can provide?
At least I know how God feels when people look for the blessing instead of the blesser.
I am like sheep to the slaughter. But this little sheep sees. This little sheep knows. This little sheep is gonna run. As far as I can go. Time and energy and money wasted. People have played with my goodwill. No more. After today I say "No More!"
Never again shall I waste my effort, never again shall I toil for others. Never again will this world deceive me. The world is full of people who will lie, steal, kill and destroy. They'll do anything to get what they want. People. You've succeded in deceiving me once, twice. But this is as far as you shall go!
Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on you.
Fool me thrice, shame on me.
If there was no one on earth. It would have prospered. It would have been a world of peace, without lies, hatred, racism and the like. I guess God never expected His children to be like that. Woe to the man who veils his evil ways with love. Woe to the man who tries to deceive me.
Believe me, it's never my wish to turn this way. But I have. Do not ever, deceive me with your honeyed words. For this little sheep has seen through it. And he will run.
I wonder if I should have started this journey at all. Was it worth it. Sure there are ups. But tis always for a moment. The journeys through the valleys are longer, darker and scarier with each passing moment. The reward? I've yet to receive it. I may never. It's heresy to speak like that, but God, this is what I see.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
(26/06/08)
I scare myself... Yes myself... Hate, anger, jealousy, bitterness, insanity, sorrow, unholiness, death... It's all coming back.
"Drop dead!" one says.
"Jump off!" says the other.
"Cut off ties with Him!" says the third.
"Cut off ties with Him, jump off and drop dead." says the fourth.
I scare myself... Save me if You can. But not if it's futile.
"Drop dead!" one says.
"Jump off!" says the other.
"Cut off ties with Him!" says the third.
"Cut off ties with Him, jump off and drop dead." says the fourth.
I scare myself... Save me if You can. But not if it's futile.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I don't really know what to blog about. It's not really safe to show my really, really deep thoughts on a blog for all to see... (Plus it might indirectly offend some people.)
It's quite pointless to say that I'm stressed on a blog. (What's the use? As if by blogging that I'm stressed will take it away.)
It's quite boring to talk about my school day (Trust me, it's really boring.)
All I know is that I'm not feeling too well right now... God save my soul.
Can I really serve God in His kingdom, advancing His kingdom in my school, or serve in the cell group in my current state? I find it hard to will myself to do it. I wouldn't be honoring God with my service, I'd be dishonoring Him... I'm glad that some people can still serve though. Not me, It's one of those times where I feel down, defeated and without a purpose. Damn, I need to control my emotions... A great servant, terrible master. Yet it seems so easy to submit to it instead of God. God forgive me, God forbid me to ever become a slave of my emotions, and yet I seem to be becoming more and more like a slave to it. I can't seriously believe that I've been categorized. I always thought that I was unique, but I guess I'm just being sorted out into groups now. If I could be an animal, I'd really wanna be a snail right now. If I could have one wish, I'd wish everyone away except God and me. Alas that is not to be so. I'm stuck here listening to the passing of life, to the crackling, dying embers of a campfire. God, bring me up with Your righteous right hand. It sucks being down here. My Almighty God, deliver me.
I just wanna go to church now in the middle of a school week. dwell there and just stick my butt on the floor, until God comes and tells me what should I do now.
It's quite pointless to say that I'm stressed on a blog. (What's the use? As if by blogging that I'm stressed will take it away.)
It's quite boring to talk about my school day (Trust me, it's really boring.)
All I know is that I'm not feeling too well right now... God save my soul.
Can I really serve God in His kingdom, advancing His kingdom in my school, or serve in the cell group in my current state? I find it hard to will myself to do it. I wouldn't be honoring God with my service, I'd be dishonoring Him... I'm glad that some people can still serve though. Not me, It's one of those times where I feel down, defeated and without a purpose. Damn, I need to control my emotions... A great servant, terrible master. Yet it seems so easy to submit to it instead of God. God forgive me, God forbid me to ever become a slave of my emotions, and yet I seem to be becoming more and more like a slave to it. I can't seriously believe that I've been categorized. I always thought that I was unique, but I guess I'm just being sorted out into groups now. If I could be an animal, I'd really wanna be a snail right now. If I could have one wish, I'd wish everyone away except God and me. Alas that is not to be so. I'm stuck here listening to the passing of life, to the crackling, dying embers of a campfire. God, bring me up with Your righteous right hand. It sucks being down here. My Almighty God, deliver me.
I just wanna go to church now in the middle of a school week. dwell there and just stick my butt on the floor, until God comes and tells me what should I do now.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
MAN of God
I've just finished reading the 3rd chapter of the book "Courage" by Edwin Louis Cole, and it has already been a great blessing to me. There's so many questions and doubs answered and clarified. But more than that it is teaching me how to be a MAN of God. Today is my day one of the beggining of my transformation. Thank you Kel for the gift, Edwin Louis Cole is someone I can look up to. Though he may not be here, God bless his soul, he will remain an inspiration for many youths who desire to be a MAN of God. Truly so much can be learnt from this book. Thank God for it.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
(14/06/2008)
Not much that I wanna say today. But I'll blog still, so that when school reopens I can excuse myself from blogging. Tomorrow, service, on a sunday... feels a little weird. Only Joel, Joey, Kevin, Chin Ming and I will be there... Afterwhich I intend to fly back home... Something's not quite right, I don't know what, but something's definitely wrong... Anywho, I'll be cooking for the cell group on Monday. Dinner is set for 7 pm, but I'm gonna cook for my mum first. (She can't wait...)
Menu for the day
1) Potato Salad (Still contemplating though...)
2) Lasagna
3) Banana Bread (New variation)
Sunday... Anyone wanna stay over tomorrow night?
Menu for the day
1) Potato Salad (Still contemplating though...)
2) Lasagna
3) Banana Bread (New variation)
Sunday... Anyone wanna stay over tomorrow night?
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Dryness...
I've been feeling rather dry lately, even though we're in the midst of our 21 days of prayer... Not much can be said though, except that I really despise the fact that I couldn't have gone for the camp. I've read and heard from people about the experiences they've had. What I would give to have that experience... Nevertheless, God has been blessing me materially, but I desire more than just material blessings. I desire a touch from Him. I long to be in His presence daily. No doubt God desires that as well, but... ...
In any case I'm thinking of cooking for the cell group anytime next week, except Thursday. Lord, for what I'm about to receive, I am truly grateful. As the deer pants for water, so too does my soul thirst for You.
In any case I'm thinking of cooking for the cell group anytime next week, except Thursday. Lord, for what I'm about to receive, I am truly grateful. As the deer pants for water, so too does my soul thirst for You.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
A psalm
Dear Jesus, I give you my heart.
I'll never ever want to be apart.
You are greatly to be praised, for wondrous are Your works.
One doesn't have to go down to hell to experience it.
One day on earth without You, my most high King, is hell.
I shall magnify Your name in all corners of the earth, Singing to You a song of praise.
I shall, in the words of king David, dance and be undignified.
For I do not dance for man, but for my King in heaven.
Lord, I give You my all.
Take all of me.
I offer myself a living sacrifice on Your altar.
Come and consume me with Your holy fire.
Oh, I praise and bless Your holy name.
That's right, I choose to bless Your holy, glorious name.
For even in the darkest valley of death and evil, You have not forsaken.
Even in the lowest depths, You have not failed.
Yes Lord, I will praise You in the most desolate place.
Yes Lord, I will offer You my worship.
Oh Lord, come and consume me.
I will sing to You a new song daily.
I will enthrone You with my praise.
For You are greatly to be praised.
I'll never ever want to be apart.
You are greatly to be praised, for wondrous are Your works.
One doesn't have to go down to hell to experience it.
One day on earth without You, my most high King, is hell.
I shall magnify Your name in all corners of the earth, Singing to You a song of praise.
I shall, in the words of king David, dance and be undignified.
For I do not dance for man, but for my King in heaven.
Lord, I give You my all.
Take all of me.
I offer myself a living sacrifice on Your altar.
Come and consume me with Your holy fire.
Oh, I praise and bless Your holy name.
That's right, I choose to bless Your holy, glorious name.
For even in the darkest valley of death and evil, You have not forsaken.
Even in the lowest depths, You have not failed.
Yes Lord, I will praise You in the most desolate place.
Yes Lord, I will offer You my worship.
Oh Lord, come and consume me.
I will sing to You a new song daily.
I will enthrone You with my praise.
For You are greatly to be praised.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
My day
I've done quite a few things today, let's talk about it in chronological order. Cell group meeting. Verily I say unto thee, thy meeting wast beyond excellence. (Sorry bout the KJV english.) Kelvin was preaching about why God chose, blessed and used Abraham instead of Lot.
1) God used Abraham because of his devotion.
2) God used Abraham because of his attitude.
3) God used Abraham because of his love for people.
It was a very short message, afterwhich Kelvin prayed for those who want to wholly follow God. I was prayed for and was very encouraged. Thank God for that. Ooh ooh! Kelvin also quoted John 4:23-24. I'll share about what I learnt from these 2 verses.
Worshipping Him in spirit and in truth
"... But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
-John 4:23-24
I caught this during cell group. What does it mean to worship the Father in spirit and truth?
In the physical realm it would mean to worship Him with the spirit and with the understanding, just like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 14:15
...I will sing with the spirit, and I will also sing with the understanding.
In the spiritual though, it means to worship Him spirit to spirit, eart to heart. And with the truth of worship, which is not to sing because it's a nice song or because you like it, or because it goes well with your vocals. But rather it is to worship Him because You love Him, and you acknowledge God for who He is.
Just a little sharing...
Next, after cell group I had to 'fly' to Bukit Batok, cause that's where we celebrated my mum's birthday. We did just that by watching Indiana Jones: The kingdom of the crystal skull at West Mall. Then we drove over to Superbowl at Taman Jurong to eat Japanese. Things were relatively ok... I wish someone went through what I'm going through though. Not that I'm cursing them. In fact I wish it wouldn't happen... Hmm... Self contradiction! No marks for 'O' level humanities essay! (Note to self: Be more careful...)
Hmm... Wanna go out for lunch with 'someone' soon. (Don't worry, it ain't a girl. And because I made this statment doesn't mean I'm homo. So relax...) Of course that's only possible when I get myself financially stable. I really wouldn't be suprised if Lok has more cash than me now :'(
1) God used Abraham because of his devotion.
2) God used Abraham because of his attitude.
3) God used Abraham because of his love for people.
It was a very short message, afterwhich Kelvin prayed for those who want to wholly follow God. I was prayed for and was very encouraged. Thank God for that. Ooh ooh! Kelvin also quoted John 4:23-24. I'll share about what I learnt from these 2 verses.
Worshipping Him in spirit and in truth
"... But the hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for the Father is seeking such to worship Him. God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and in truth."
-John 4:23-24
I caught this during cell group. What does it mean to worship the Father in spirit and truth?
In the physical realm it would mean to worship Him with the spirit and with the understanding, just like Paul says in 1 Corinthians 14:15
...I will sing with the spirit, and I will also sing with the understanding.
In the spiritual though, it means to worship Him spirit to spirit, eart to heart. And with the truth of worship, which is not to sing because it's a nice song or because you like it, or because it goes well with your vocals. But rather it is to worship Him because You love Him, and you acknowledge God for who He is.
Just a little sharing...
Next, after cell group I had to 'fly' to Bukit Batok, cause that's where we celebrated my mum's birthday. We did just that by watching Indiana Jones: The kingdom of the crystal skull at West Mall. Then we drove over to Superbowl at Taman Jurong to eat Japanese. Things were relatively ok... I wish someone went through what I'm going through though. Not that I'm cursing them. In fact I wish it wouldn't happen... Hmm... Self contradiction! No marks for 'O' level humanities essay! (Note to self: Be more careful...)
Hmm... Wanna go out for lunch with 'someone' soon. (Don't worry, it ain't a girl. And because I made this statment doesn't mean I'm homo. So relax...) Of course that's only possible when I get myself financially stable. I really wouldn't be suprised if Lok has more cash than me now :'(
Friday, May 23, 2008
Campus church. I'm really excited!
Had an extraordinary meeting with Pastor Zhuang last night! It wasn't a session where he preached a 'Rah rah' message, but rather it was a session where all who attended were prepared and equipped to be a CAMPUS REVIVALIST!!! I got a vision whilst there. I'll share during cell group meeting this Sunday. Pastor even asked us to practice 'street evangelism' with people whom we've never met before. I think I did quite well... Well God knows I did my best even though it was just practice. I'm very excited. HAHA!!! I got home late though and thought mum and dad were gonna chew off my hide, but God turned what the devil meant for evil for good. I got home late but my mum and dad were 'okay' with it. We even spent quality time talking to each other, it was about 20 mins conversation but I felt that it was great quality time spent with them. I can't wait for tomorrow's service. Somehow I know that it;s gonna be a word in due season for many of us. I just feel it in my guts!
You are a CAMPUS REVIVALIST!
You are a CAMPUS REVIVALIST!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Blogging again.
Haven't blogged in the longest time. Hmm... where to start? Seriously I don't know, probably because I've forgotten the events for the past few weeks (Fine, it was month and a few weeks. Happy?!) Anyways, I'm currently just waiting for time to fly, I'll be going out to meet with Pastor to equip myself for bringing in the harvest. Holy Spirit, I commit the meeting into Your hands. Come and bless every single listener in that place, and I pray that we'll not just be listeners of the Word of God, but be doers of it as well. Side track abit yeah, I'll not be going for the church camp this June... Because school is gonna send me for a 2 day course at NP. It's gonna give me a taste of poly life and at the same time help me in making a choice for my post secondary education. 'O' levels are quite taxing, but I trust in my God. I'll blog more when I get home, time now is 1:31pm. I gotta get ready to get down to Riverwalk now. Ciao, dahlings.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Sweet, Sexy, Spicy Sixteen (SSSS)
Happy Sweet 16th to ME!!!
I am now officialy 16, if I post this blog at midnight... But anyways, alot of things have been happening recently. (I'll talk about it in the later part of this entry or in another entry if I feel like it.)
Now, to the main segment my birthday party! This year is somehow unbelievable. It's kinda different and really so much better than all my past birthdays added together. So my family, relatives, friends, spiritual family and, of course, myself got together to sing "Happy birthday!" and to cut the cake first, then we went on to eat the food that was prepared (Thanks Aunty Emely!) and went on to fellowship. Anyways I was dragged out by the cell group so that they could celebrate for me, CHRISTIAN STYLE, so a thank you speech, a look at the present and then a prayer. BUT, they didn't close the prayer with 'Amen', they closed the prayer by getting me Sprite'd and throwing me into the pool. Seems like doing all these good and nasty suprises seem to be a tradition for the cell group already, HAHA! I really enjoyed the Sprite bath and being thrown into the pool, seriously! Of course I was drenched and I went to eat some cake. But... Before I could eat my cake, Li Zhen creamed me with the cake icing... Then from that moment onwards, Yunru and Shyang Zhi wanted to cream me even more... Pictures are with Lokies, you can get it from him. But I definitely want my own private ones! After all the creaming was done the cell group did a weird dance, but thanks for the performance guys! And they sang me a rock and very out of synch version of "Happy birthday!" But all in all, this year has been my best birthday yet. Seems like the guy who came up with the term 'Sweet Sixteen' really knew what he was talking about.
Well now what everybody wants to know... "What presents did Ayron receive?" Well, let's see... I got a very cute 'fat' Darth Vader from my muma (It's very cute, it's really very cute. p.s: Think Mrs Goh.) a leather wallet from my cousin Ryan, (Everyone wanted to smell it to make sure it's genuine leather...) a mini clothes hanger with a mini shirt, with a mini photo of mini bro, and mini me from my Bao Bei, (Mini bro and mini me refers to the baby version of us.) a black tie with white musical notes on it from my Ah yi mummy, (looks real chic) a red packet of $20 from my Grandma, (financial blessings! Hallelujah!) a $40 shopping voucher for use at Takashimaya from my Aunty Diane. (WHOO!!! They got me shopping voucher cuz they saw many cute things but didn't know which one to get, so they ask me go down and buy myself.)
I didn't forget what my fellow sheeps and darling shepherd got for me
1) A nice wooden box (it's the packaging. XD)
2) 2 Guitar picks from Yunru (Thank you so much for it!)
3) A online game CD entitled "Cabal" from Zhi Zhi (Thanks bro!)
4) A 'Kinderbueno' choc bar, also from Zhi Zhi.
5) A birthday card from the cell group. (Seems to be missing alot of peoples notes. Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand! Whoops...)
6) A very nice gift from Li Ming (Unfortunately, I danced and it broke... I've turned my dancing into mourning!)
7) A '18 karat' diamond studded letter 'A' chain. (It's very nice guys. Thank you so much for it!)
I also definitely didn't forget what my Abba Father gave to me. Thank You so much for giving me that vision.
So in closing, I wanna thank some people... (Okay, I'm lying, I wanna thank a whole buncha peeps.)
1)Thanks to the Sim family for getting me my present. (HEHE) But more importantly for being my family.
2)Thanks to all my relatives who came for my birthday party. I know that you guys always say that without me the party would be dull. Now I just wanna say that without YOU guys the party would be really dull.
3)Thanks definitely goes to the Cell Group members who came to celebrate my birthday with me. You guys mean so much to me, and thats the way it'll remain. Much love!
4)Thanks to all my school friends who came! You made my day by just being there!
5)Thanks to all the people who dropped me SMSes and well wishes. I treasure your SMSes. Thanks so much for remebering my birthday! (Extra special thanks to Johan and Carol!)
6)Thanks to my Abba Father, who made this day possible by bringing me into this world. But more than that, I thank Him for His perfect love. You're my angel in disguise.
Much love to everyone! And I posted this at 12:00am! Yes! Officialy 16, can watch NC16 movies according to Yunru. Haha! Happy birthday to me!
I am now officialy 16, if I post this blog at midnight... But anyways, alot of things have been happening recently. (I'll talk about it in the later part of this entry or in another entry if I feel like it.)
Now, to the main segment my birthday party! This year is somehow unbelievable. It's kinda different and really so much better than all my past birthdays added together. So my family, relatives, friends, spiritual family and, of course, myself got together to sing "Happy birthday!" and to cut the cake first, then we went on to eat the food that was prepared (Thanks Aunty Emely!) and went on to fellowship. Anyways I was dragged out by the cell group so that they could celebrate for me, CHRISTIAN STYLE, so a thank you speech, a look at the present and then a prayer. BUT, they didn't close the prayer with 'Amen', they closed the prayer by getting me Sprite'd and throwing me into the pool. Seems like doing all these good and nasty suprises seem to be a tradition for the cell group already, HAHA! I really enjoyed the Sprite bath and being thrown into the pool, seriously! Of course I was drenched and I went to eat some cake. But... Before I could eat my cake, Li Zhen creamed me with the cake icing... Then from that moment onwards, Yunru and Shyang Zhi wanted to cream me even more... Pictures are with Lokies, you can get it from him. But I definitely want my own private ones! After all the creaming was done the cell group did a weird dance, but thanks for the performance guys! And they sang me a rock and very out of synch version of "Happy birthday!" But all in all, this year has been my best birthday yet. Seems like the guy who came up with the term 'Sweet Sixteen' really knew what he was talking about.
Well now what everybody wants to know... "What presents did Ayron receive?" Well, let's see... I got a very cute 'fat' Darth Vader from my muma (It's very cute, it's really very cute. p.s: Think Mrs Goh.) a leather wallet from my cousin Ryan, (Everyone wanted to smell it to make sure it's genuine leather...) a mini clothes hanger with a mini shirt, with a mini photo of mini bro, and mini me from my Bao Bei, (Mini bro and mini me refers to the baby version of us.) a black tie with white musical notes on it from my Ah yi mummy, (looks real chic) a red packet of $20 from my Grandma, (financial blessings! Hallelujah!) a $40 shopping voucher for use at Takashimaya from my Aunty Diane. (WHOO!!! They got me shopping voucher cuz they saw many cute things but didn't know which one to get, so they ask me go down and buy myself.)
I didn't forget what my fellow sheeps and darling shepherd got for me
1) A nice wooden box (it's the packaging. XD)
2) 2 Guitar picks from Yunru (Thank you so much for it!)
3) A online game CD entitled "Cabal" from Zhi Zhi (Thanks bro!)
4) A 'Kinderbueno' choc bar, also from Zhi Zhi.
5) A birthday card from the cell group. (Seems to be missing alot of peoples notes. Repent! For the kingdom of God is at hand! Whoops...)
6) A very nice gift from Li Ming (Unfortunately, I danced and it broke... I've turned my dancing into mourning!)
7) A '18 karat' diamond studded letter 'A' chain. (It's very nice guys. Thank you so much for it!)
I also definitely didn't forget what my Abba Father gave to me. Thank You so much for giving me that vision.
So in closing, I wanna thank some people... (Okay, I'm lying, I wanna thank a whole buncha peeps.)
1)Thanks to the Sim family for getting me my present. (HEHE) But more importantly for being my family.
2)Thanks to all my relatives who came for my birthday party. I know that you guys always say that without me the party would be dull. Now I just wanna say that without YOU guys the party would be really dull.
3)Thanks definitely goes to the Cell Group members who came to celebrate my birthday with me. You guys mean so much to me, and thats the way it'll remain. Much love!
4)Thanks to all my school friends who came! You made my day by just being there!
5)Thanks to all the people who dropped me SMSes and well wishes. I treasure your SMSes. Thanks so much for remebering my birthday! (Extra special thanks to Johan and Carol!)
6)Thanks to my Abba Father, who made this day possible by bringing me into this world. But more than that, I thank Him for His perfect love. You're my angel in disguise.
Much love to everyone! And I posted this at 12:00am! Yes! Officialy 16, can watch NC16 movies according to Yunru. Haha! Happy birthday to me!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Angel in disguise
Wake me up, shake me up,
Break me up and put me back together.
Take my crown, let me drown,
Bring me round then stay with me forever.
I've never known love like this,
Maybe You're an angel in disguise.
Call my name,
Somebody take me away.
Rescue me, completely.
No more shame,
Somebody take it away.
Rescue me.
Wake me up, take me up,
Feel the heat, it's closer now than ever.
Secrets hide in the sand,
Take these bones and put me back together.
Oh, oh You're killing me with just one kiss.
Maybe I'm an angel in Your eyes.
You're my angel in disguise.
Loving You always,
-Ayron
Break me up and put me back together.
Take my crown, let me drown,
Bring me round then stay with me forever.
I've never known love like this,
Maybe You're an angel in disguise.
Call my name,
Somebody take me away.
Rescue me, completely.
No more shame,
Somebody take it away.
Rescue me.
Wake me up, take me up,
Feel the heat, it's closer now than ever.
Secrets hide in the sand,
Take these bones and put me back together.
Oh, oh You're killing me with just one kiss.
Maybe I'm an angel in Your eyes.
You're my angel in disguise.
Loving You always,
-Ayron
Friday, March 28, 2008
Blessed child of God (Moi!)
Dumdedum... I'm blogging from my school computer lab and I'm supposed to be doing my F&N coursework... Well I just wanna talk a little while, I know my blog hasn't been as lively as before (for those of you who wanna say it's never been alive... well you're entitled to your own opinion) Anyways I just wanna spend some time talking to you peeps who read my blog. I know Easter has been so long ago but I just gotta say something! Easter has really blessed me alot. In fact this year's Easter seemed so special. I recall that the first time I went for the Easter drama it wasn't anything special. (cept for the fact that it's my spiritual birthday :P) But this year's Easter drama was really good both in our Jurong west church and at our Expo worship area. I wept tears whenever I saw Jesus being crucified. the lyrics for the song also made me realize that the love of God is so great, that He could send His only Son to die on the cross for me. Truly He is the lamb of God come to take away the sins of man. The drama was also a reminder for me, that if Jesus would come and serve, then why not I? I am more determined this year to serve with all my heart! Though I can't serve in ministry, I can certainly serve in cell group. C'mon mum! Get me the book "Guitar for Dummies"!!!
I also wanna thank God for pastor Kong's message. Truly it was a word in due season for me, the message on shame and unforgiveness really impacted me. There is no shame in Christ Jesus! There is power in the freedom of the cross! While Easter sunday was kind of a fiasca for me, I thank you Kelvin for encouraging me. Every little thing's gonna be alright... Every little thing's gonna be alright...
Also, during the Easter week we had a few friends come to join us. Firstly we got Danila and Daniel. They are Africans who are living in Singapore and they are joining our cell group. Next we got Johan and Joey, they are SOT students from Malaysia who will be attached to the cell group until the 24th of August this year. So sad... I'm gonna miss them when they leave. By the way, Joey has his own label in Malaysia. Cool ain't it? Lastly we got Yunru and Vivian. The both of them came for our Easter servince and received salvation! Praise the Lord! It really is a break through for the whole cell group. 6 new friends in a period of 2 weeks. If we are consistent in seeking out the lost, then we can hit 12 souls per month. That means we'll multiply in June. Oh what a great prophecy. Haha! Let what we ask for be given to us by our Father in heaven.
Blessings... Hmm... where to start? Well for starters, I am now the owner of my papa's iPhone. It's kinda cool and all with all those functions and the touch pad. But guess what. It's darn impractical! It's like full of functions that I don't even know what it's for. Also SMSing is so tough with the touch pad... It's kinda irritating. I'll keep the iPhone though, for my games and maps. Also I'm kinda pleased that my pledge for the Arise and build is almost complete. Just a bit more.
All in all, I wanna thank God for the wonderful Easter weekend and the wonderful people He has placed around me.
Keep on shining for Christ in your market place!
I also wanna thank God for pastor Kong's message. Truly it was a word in due season for me, the message on shame and unforgiveness really impacted me. There is no shame in Christ Jesus! There is power in the freedom of the cross! While Easter sunday was kind of a fiasca for me, I thank you Kelvin for encouraging me. Every little thing's gonna be alright... Every little thing's gonna be alright...
Also, during the Easter week we had a few friends come to join us. Firstly we got Danila and Daniel. They are Africans who are living in Singapore and they are joining our cell group. Next we got Johan and Joey, they are SOT students from Malaysia who will be attached to the cell group until the 24th of August this year. So sad... I'm gonna miss them when they leave. By the way, Joey has his own label in Malaysia. Cool ain't it? Lastly we got Yunru and Vivian. The both of them came for our Easter servince and received salvation! Praise the Lord! It really is a break through for the whole cell group. 6 new friends in a period of 2 weeks. If we are consistent in seeking out the lost, then we can hit 12 souls per month. That means we'll multiply in June. Oh what a great prophecy. Haha! Let what we ask for be given to us by our Father in heaven.
Blessings... Hmm... where to start? Well for starters, I am now the owner of my papa's iPhone. It's kinda cool and all with all those functions and the touch pad. But guess what. It's darn impractical! It's like full of functions that I don't even know what it's for. Also SMSing is so tough with the touch pad... It's kinda irritating. I'll keep the iPhone though, for my games and maps. Also I'm kinda pleased that my pledge for the Arise and build is almost complete. Just a bit more.
All in all, I wanna thank God for the wonderful Easter weekend and the wonderful people He has placed around me.
Keep on shining for Christ in your market place!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
It's so long since I blogged. Anyways I just got back from a 3 day cruise (Friday-Sunday), I didn't want to go... But went anyways cause I had to celebrate my cousins birthday. I missed Phil Pringle's service, feeling that perhaps I should have stood my ground and said that I don't wanna go... But this trip... Nevermind, share next time. Anyways this blog entry gonna be short casue of some 'things'... But what happened wasn't really a great ending to this week...
Saturday, March 1, 2008
My desires
We were created to worship the Lord, to have fellowship with Him. To love Him. So... My desire is to rise up as a worship leader in the cell group! Amen! I, for one, don't like to rush worship. It is when I worship that I feel Him. It is when He speaks to me. I also want to learn how to play the guitar, and my mum has agreed to send me for lessons! PTL! The reason I wanna learn how to play the guitar is, it sounds nicer. I can also keep on worshipping Him without stopping. Whereas if I were to worship using a CD or my mp3 I gotta keep on repeating the track if I wanna go on worshipping with music... It's darn irritating.
The past few weeks has made me realize how much I need my lovely Daddy, my W363. It was kinda scary for me the past few weeks. struggling with disturbing thoughts and fears. But through it all I have learnt that I gotta lean upon God. Just like Jacob leaned on God... Abba Father, this is my heart's cry. That I will lean on You all the days of my life. That I can stay in Your house forever, worshipping You forever more.
Thank You God for the wonderful prayer meeting we had yesterday. Truly, You are our Emmanuel, God with us. He touched me yesterday, assuring me, saying "I am still here for You. Do not despair, for I am your hope, your joy, your strength. I am Your loving Father in heaven. What I have said let no one take from you. For I who have said it is faithful."
You are my strength
Strength like no other
strength like no other
Riches to me
You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Riches to me
In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your name
You lift me up
You lift me up
Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Riches to me
The past few weeks has made me realize how much I need my lovely Daddy, my W363. It was kinda scary for me the past few weeks. struggling with disturbing thoughts and fears. But through it all I have learnt that I gotta lean upon God. Just like Jacob leaned on God... Abba Father, this is my heart's cry. That I will lean on You all the days of my life. That I can stay in Your house forever, worshipping You forever more.
Thank You God for the wonderful prayer meeting we had yesterday. Truly, You are our Emmanuel, God with us. He touched me yesterday, assuring me, saying "I am still here for You. Do not despair, for I am your hope, your joy, your strength. I am Your loving Father in heaven. What I have said let no one take from you. For I who have said it is faithful."
You are my strength
Strength like no other
strength like no other
Riches to me
You are my hope
Hope like no other
Hope like no other
Riches to me
In the fullness of Your grace
In the power of Your name
You lift me up
You lift me up
Unfailing love
Stronger than mountains
Deeper than oceans
Riches to me
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Fruitful or no?
It is now 5:44 pm, a beautiful Wednesday afternoon. The sun is shining brightly. But I'm feeling gloomy... If I didn't hear what I heard would I feel any different? Perhaps... I'll never know unless I can relive that moment in time again. Already asked some friends to come for the F.I.R concert at church this Saturday. All gave the most hated reply, "Don't know leh...", "See first lor...". That didn't discourage me... I simply asked their friends. But as you know... Same reply... Already I've heard that Cheng Hui and Fen Mien will be coming. I shall rejoice in the knowledge that they are coming. But on my side... Zilch... Why? Did I not ask them enough? Did I not pray for them enough? Did I not fast enough? I don't know... But one thing I know is that it's not fruitful. If other trees in this orchard ,we call Jesus, can bear fruit why not I? Am I to be a barren tree unlike the others? While the Bible did say that Jesus said "Well done, my good and faithful servant." At the end of the day I want Him to tell me that because I did something. Perhaps I should be cut down. Perhaps I should perservere. It seems so easy to just put the ax to the roots now... But would it please God?
Saturday, February 23, 2008
God's plan
God has planned everything for me thus far. I know that because of what He showed me and has done for me. I will be believing that he will continue to plan my days... God has called me friend. What an honor and priviledge.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Light in the dark.
It's been quite a while since I've blogged eh guys? Feels good to blog again. The past week, from Monday till today, has been hectic, scary and troubling. First let's talk about Monday. Sum it up in one word : Hectic. Why? Because after my physics remedial, which by the way ended at 4, I had to go for a debate sit in. For those who don't know, I've been chosen to represent the school in a debate competition. Praise God. Anyways, back to the debate sit in. My team was given a motion, and we had to debate with the other team. God! It was tough cause...
1) I have no experience with debating
2) We didn't have enough time to come up with enough points for our stand/rebuttal.
But I managed to see through the whole sit in. Tuesday was kinda lonely, I felt like I was the only one in class, even though I was surrounded by bumbling baboons... Then got news that 2 of my favourite peeps won't be at school on Wednesday. I felt kinda sad and angry, and when I heard that I felt even more lonely... Wednesday was our school's Chinese New Year Celebration. So we had a lion dance performance, puppet show, song singing session and of course each class set up their own stall to sell new year goodies. I had quite a time there, was fun hanging out with my other friends, though it was quite lonely. And to top it all off my classmates still hate me. But God was with me wherever I went. He has been true to His promise...
"...Do NOT be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver
you," says the Lord.
-Jeremiah 1:8
Lo and behold, my vice-chair, who actually, a few days back refused to work with me, refused to call me by name, even trying her very best not to look at me, addressed me by name amd looked at me. Even the regular 'bad boys' in class seemed a little more docile towards me that day. Truly God was with me that day. Of course my day didn't end there. My debate senior saw me during the carnival and told me to gather the members in my team so that he could brief us on the competition. After the briefing he surprised us by saying he was treatng us to lunch. Everyone was happy, but I was the only one who could make it. I guess that meant more for me! Haha! Then I went back home after lunch, got dressed and went over to my aunt's house for our reunion dinner. It was a wonderful time of fellowship with my cousins, uncles, aunties and my parents. Got 2 Ang Baos that day!
On Thursday I went visiting my relatives and collected Ang Baos. Ayron was a very satisfied boy that day... Anyways I managed to collec $454 that day. Truly it was blessing, after blessing, after blessing.
On Friday I managed to see most of my favourite peeps, praise God, even my most 'favourite-st' peep came. Anyways we managed to fellowship with my mum, watching a movie called XXX. Now don't think dirty! It's an action movie featuring Vin Diesel. Anyways Kelvin made this comment
"This movie is good, but when auntie make her comments it became better!"
respect leader's decision...
That day after Kelvin, Cynthia and Sara left, Lokies, Joel, Belle, Sap and I had a mini-cell group meeting. Was kinda funny...
But whatever goes up, must come down. And it applies for the spiritual realm as well. I was attacked by him and he brought back some old, painful, memories. From dinner onwards I was quite troubled and I felt quite down. Suddenly I felt so alone in the dark... The light within me had gone out... Won't go into all the details lest it sparks the painful memories again. But thank God for Lokies. Thank God that He placed someone like him in my life. Thanks to Lokies and God, I managed to find the light in me once again. I was free from bondage. Thank You God, thank You Jesus, thank You Holy Spirit. Thank You Lokies!
This song that Lokies gave me helped a lot too...
Strong Enough
Stacie Orrico
As I rest against this cold hard wall will You pass me by?
Will You criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enought?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please could I have one chance to start again?
Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I've finally found
That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again
Psalm 91:5-7
You shall not be afraid of the
terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by
day,
Nor fo the pestilence that walks
in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays
waste at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right
hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Lastly, today I went to church, and felt the presence of God. It was a most wonderous feeling. To feel His love, grace, mercy and lovingkindness. I want to feel that all the days of my life. Perhaps it's time to check on my life. But God, thank You for the love You show.
Seeing me for who I am. Seeing past my flaws and all. That is the love of God.
1) I have no experience with debating
2) We didn't have enough time to come up with enough points for our stand/rebuttal.
But I managed to see through the whole sit in. Tuesday was kinda lonely, I felt like I was the only one in class, even though I was surrounded by bumbling baboons... Then got news that 2 of my favourite peeps won't be at school on Wednesday. I felt kinda sad and angry, and when I heard that I felt even more lonely... Wednesday was our school's Chinese New Year Celebration. So we had a lion dance performance, puppet show, song singing session and of course each class set up their own stall to sell new year goodies. I had quite a time there, was fun hanging out with my other friends, though it was quite lonely. And to top it all off my classmates still hate me. But God was with me wherever I went. He has been true to His promise...
"...Do NOT be afraid of their faces,
For I am with you to deliver
you," says the Lord.
-Jeremiah 1:8
Lo and behold, my vice-chair, who actually, a few days back refused to work with me, refused to call me by name, even trying her very best not to look at me, addressed me by name amd looked at me. Even the regular 'bad boys' in class seemed a little more docile towards me that day. Truly God was with me that day. Of course my day didn't end there. My debate senior saw me during the carnival and told me to gather the members in my team so that he could brief us on the competition. After the briefing he surprised us by saying he was treatng us to lunch. Everyone was happy, but I was the only one who could make it. I guess that meant more for me! Haha! Then I went back home after lunch, got dressed and went over to my aunt's house for our reunion dinner. It was a wonderful time of fellowship with my cousins, uncles, aunties and my parents. Got 2 Ang Baos that day!
On Thursday I went visiting my relatives and collected Ang Baos. Ayron was a very satisfied boy that day... Anyways I managed to collec $454 that day. Truly it was blessing, after blessing, after blessing.
On Friday I managed to see most of my favourite peeps, praise God, even my most 'favourite-st' peep came. Anyways we managed to fellowship with my mum, watching a movie called XXX. Now don't think dirty! It's an action movie featuring Vin Diesel. Anyways Kelvin made this comment
"This movie is good, but when auntie make her comments it became better!"
respect leader's decision...
That day after Kelvin, Cynthia and Sara left, Lokies, Joel, Belle, Sap and I had a mini-cell group meeting. Was kinda funny...
But whatever goes up, must come down. And it applies for the spiritual realm as well. I was attacked by him and he brought back some old, painful, memories. From dinner onwards I was quite troubled and I felt quite down. Suddenly I felt so alone in the dark... The light within me had gone out... Won't go into all the details lest it sparks the painful memories again. But thank God for Lokies. Thank God that He placed someone like him in my life. Thanks to Lokies and God, I managed to find the light in me once again. I was free from bondage. Thank You God, thank You Jesus, thank You Holy Spirit. Thank You Lokies!
This song that Lokies gave me helped a lot too...
Strong Enough
Stacie Orrico
As I rest against this cold hard wall will You pass me by?
Will You criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enought?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please could I have one chance to start again?
Will my weakness for an hour make me suffer for a lifetime?
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed,renewed, and find forgiveness find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?
Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?
He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I've finally found
That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again
Psalm 91:5-7
You shall not be afraid of the
terror by night,
Nor of the arrow that flies by
day,
Nor fo the pestilence that walks
in darkness,
Nor of the destruction that lays
waste at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
And ten thousand at your right
hand;
But it shall not come near you.
Lastly, today I went to church, and felt the presence of God. It was a most wonderous feeling. To feel His love, grace, mercy and lovingkindness. I want to feel that all the days of my life. Perhaps it's time to check on my life. But God, thank You for the love You show.
Seeing me for who I am. Seeing past my flaws and all. That is the love of God.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Back to blog
At last I am back to blogging again. Of course before I tell you guys anything I just wanna inform you guys that I will not be blogging as often this year, due to 'O' Levels yeah... Soo bear with me, but do continue reading. Anyways, Family salvation is nigh, and satan is getting pissed... Haha! But whatever goes up must come down see... So anyways... Despite my best efforts to be friends of my friends and teachers, my friends are cursing and swearing at me. Why? because I just did what my teachers instructed me to do... You have no idea how hurtful it is to have more than half the class hate you, cursing and swearing at you. And also when your own discipline IC is the one who hates you, and the one who ratted on you... *sigh* Well I guess satan is just trying to get me down... But no matter! I'm looking forward to cg tonight. I baked banana bread. You peeps must eat!
Until then this is Ayron. Keep on rawking for Christ
Until then this is Ayron. Keep on rawking for Christ
Friday, January 4, 2008
2008 has only just started but so many things are happening already. Some of them good, some of them bad. This year is a super stress year for me, I got 'O' Levels this year and remedials after school everyday, add on home tuitions and now that I MUST, on order of my 'dad', learn a musical instrument and do a sport and commit 1 hour to each. I have no time for myself now... ... Plus attacks from satan... ... Gosh... It's tough on my siblings and me now... But there's a plus side to all these, praise the Lord, I have been unanimously elected class chairman. This puts me in a position of influence, and when influence is used properly, you never know. Also my brother has voiced his thought of coming for cell group and services, and he'll be bringing a friend along. Hallelujah! Truly all glory to God. Looks like we'll be multiplying real soon...
Thursday, January 3, 2008
'O' Levels... Hooray!
2008. A new year that's gonna be tough for me and for others as well, no doubt about that. First off I would like to apologize to my friends. Why? Because you won't see me as much as last year, due to the fact that this year is my 'O' Levels. I'm really, really, sorry. Next, I just wanna talk a little about 'O' Levels. I know you're probably thinking that I'm nuts, talking about 'Os' just when school reopened. But I just gotta say that it may be a bane to most of my classmates, but to me it is an opportunity to shine for Christ. And how many times can you sit for your 'O' Levels for the first time? Only once, so this opportunity only comes once in a lifetime. So, my friends who are taking 'O' Levels this year, do work hard only for this year and then we can relax...
Well, I'd better get going to school already, but just remember peeps, you're all important to God. Much loves from God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Me!
Keep rawking for Christ!
Well, I'd better get going to school already, but just remember peeps, you're all important to God. Much loves from God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and Me!
Keep rawking for Christ!
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